How to let go of what no longer serves you!

When your emotional pain prevents you from healing, it signals that you may have been too attached. And when you attach yourself to something, you suffer when it goes away refusing to let go and holding on to any sliver of the past. Letting go means that you have the courage though scared to let your situation or relationship go even though letting go is killing you inside. However, most people cannot let go and remain attached to their past even when it was hurtful and long after the situation or relationship has ended. According to the Dalai Lama, “Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering.” Being too attached is the basis of all your struggles becoming frustrated, angry, sad, worried, or grief-stricken. You want it your way. Let it go!

“Insanity is holding onto things you cannot change. Let it go!”

What are the specific attachments that you must let go of? Some examples are below.

· Toxic or unsatisfying relationships.

· Habit that no longer serves you well or is detrimental (smoking, overeating, alcohol).

· Job or business that creates stress.

· A dream you had for your future that is not achievable in this moment.

· Old way of thinking about yourself or the world.

· Guilt of non-achievement.

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Letting go is not easy. According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Psychiatrist, there are five stages of letting go. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You must get through to the last stage of acceptance and learn to accept a) whatever might happen when you give your best; b) that people are beautiful flawed human beings; and c) uncomfortable action is required when doing something that matters.

“Whatever you are attached to is not yours.”

Understand that your attachment is only a story, narrative, or dream that you can reframe. You become bigger than your story when connecting with others demonstrating compassion as you pray/meditate/wish for your story of suffering to end along with the suffering of others and a desire for all to be happy. You realize your suffering is the same and you are not in it alone but interdependent. Your attachment to your own story becomes less important through your connection and compassion. Again, accept it as it is. It does not have to be ideal, but you know it will be all right. One of my favorite scriptures is “ALL things work together for my good.” Not some but all things. I repeat it when I notice attachment to having it my way. This expands your mind when focused on the story you keep telling yourself and you look for the bigger picture in your story.

My friend, Nailah Beraki, authored a book called “Fear is a Good Thing.” To let go, you must understand and reframe your fears and your relationship with the past that is causing your fear. You must let go and:

· Stop losing yourself to your past.

· Allow your emotions.

· Create physical distance as needed.

· Ensure authentic and trustworthy relationships.

· Take risks.

· Learn from failure.

· Live in the moment.

· Forgive and trust yourself.

· Forgive and trust others but verify.

· Focus on what you can control – you.

· Do not let your problems or others define you.

· Get help as you need it.

When you acknowledge and accept the trials and tribulations that come your way, notice you are too attached, and it is causing you pain. Set an intention to take the steps mentioned and required to let it go. It will result in your contentment with your present situation, better and greater relationships, less procrastination and distractions, and a more fulfilling and productive life. Do not cheat your life and the life of those around you by getting bogged down with past experiences that hurt you. Do not allow yourself to live on autopilot in fear and worry driving your existence while destroying your happiness, health, and well-being. Have a better life by living your life with purpose, meaning, and direction. Your life should be based on your own beliefs and convictions. Leverage your personal talents and skills to live up to your potential. Manage your life situations well ensuring positive relationships. Accept yourself. It is your choice and decision to let go or not!