Overcoming the superwoman syndrome in your marriage

When I first got married, the excitement of managing the household tasks made me feel like the ultimate “100 yards” wife material. From cleaning to cooking, I found fulfillment in being domestically active, believing I had to uphold a standard. Even when I was healing post-birth, I felt a strong urge to ensure that everything in the house was in perfect order. Despite having people around to help, I was convinced they wouldn’t maintain the level of cleanliness I desired. So, I’d supervise them in the kitchen, even as my husband urged me to rest.

Looking back, I now see the mind-set behind this behaviour. Growing up as the firstborn and only girl, I’d naturally learned how to keep the home tidy and well-organised, a skill I took pride in. But gradually, I became exhausted, overwhelmed, and irritated. Despite putting structures and systems in place, the endless juggling of home, business, and ministry left me torn and frustrated. My husband, busy with work, could only help occasionally, which heightened my frustration.

Over time, I discovered a valuable lesson: if you don’t manage your home with wisdom, you’ll burn out while life moves on. To avoid that outcome, here are some tips I’ve learned along the way:

1. Acknowledge Your True Purpose: You weren’t created solely to manage a home. While caring for the house is significant, your life’s purpose is greater. Think about your vision and the people you are called to serve. Realise that feeling fulfilled often requires more than simply maintaining your home.

2. Ask for Help: Many women often struggle with asking for help because they fear rejection. But learn to get comfortable with it. Let your husband and children contribute to the chores, and consider hiring help if necessary. It can make a difference, even if it’s just once or twice a week.

3. Delegate Tasks: Whether in business, ministry, or your career, don’t hesitate to delegate. Train your team members to handle specific responsibilities and trust them to execute well. In your marriage, find areas where delegation can ease your load.

4. Communicate Openly: When necessary, share your feelings with your spouse, friends, or a counsellor. This helps prevent resentment and keeps you emotionally healthy.

5. Prioritise Rest: Sometimes, it’s okay to leave the dishes and take a break. The tasks will still be there when you wake up.

6. Multitask Wisely: If you’re cooking or cleaning, consider listening to an audiobook or educational resource to maximize your time. This way, you feel productive on multiple fronts.

7. Build a Support System: Don’t avoid family support. If family members can help or watch the kids for a while, embrace their help. It’s okay to need and use a support system.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Embracing these steps will relieve the superwoman syndrome and allow you to enjoy and thrive in your marriage and purpose.