Do you often find yourself affected by your partner’s mood at home? I recently spoke with a client who shared how she and her husband experience mood swings occasionally. Whenever her husband became moody, she would try to fix it. But when she couldn’t, she also slipped into a bad mood, leading to misunderstandings and tension between them.
As we talked, I asked her a question that surprised her: “Why are you so affected by your husband’s mood?” She responded, “Because I want him to be happy.” While it’s natural to want to support your spouse, I explained that it’s important not to let their moodiness affect your own mental health. Both she and her husband have melancholic personalities, which tend to be more prone to moodiness, especially if they haven’t learned to manage it well.
One of the key insights I shared with her was this: “One of the best ways to help your partner bounce back from a bad mood, whether you’re a man or a woman, is by owning your joy, your space, and your individuality.” She was taken aback because she felt responsible for doing all the work to lift her husband’s spirits. But I told her, “Your role isn’t to constantly question him or try to fix his mood. Sometimes, it’s okay to let him be.”
My Personal Journey
In the early years of my marriage, I was much like my client. I was always eager to ensure that our home was peaceful. So, whenever my husband withdrew or wasn’t talking to me, I would feel uneasy. I would bombard him with questions: “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? What do you need?” If he became irritated, I would take it personally and continue pressing him until he snapped. This cycle made me unhappy and left me feeling unfulfilled.
But one day, God asked me, “Why are you always idolising your husband? Why do you need him to be in the mood you want? Why can’t you focus on Me when your husband isn’t happy with you?” That question hit me hard. He went on to teach me that marriage wouldn’t always make me happy and that I needed to find my joy in God, not in constantly trying to please my husband. He reminded me that I was an individual first, deserving of happiness and that He, the Lord, was the true source of my joy.
This revelation was a game-changer for me. Now, when my husband needs time alone, I’m perfectly fine with it. I can stay focused on my work, reading, or other activities without needing to constantly check on him. I’ve learnt to let go of the need to control his mood and instead focus on maintaining my own peace and joy.
Embracing Individuality in Marriage
Certain personality types, like melancholics, are naturally more prone to moodiness. This doesn’t mean you are the cause of the issue, even though it would help if your partner communicated better by saying, “I just need some time alone.” But even if your partner hasn’t learnt to communicate that yet, it’s crucial for you to thrive, be happy, and be joyful, even when your spouse needs space.
There’s a place for “me time” in every marriage, and it’s healthy for both partners to respect each other’s need for space. Don’t feel like you have to stop this just because you want their attention all the time. Instead, learn to own your individuality, and find joy in your own activities, even during those times when your spouse is more withdrawn. I hope this helps you.
