I recently took a poll in my Instagram Stories asking if people ‘would make a plan in their relationship/ marriage’. I was surprised at the level of interaction I received on a topic that is perceived by most people as stuffy. Looking at the demography of the responses that I got, it ranged from single, coupled, newly married. In the poll, I shared a snapshot of my personal financial plan. I freely shared my template with friends as they requested for it, but knew I was on to something as the requests for my financial planning template grew.
And so, a question that I have been pondering is ‘How can people have financial planning conversations in relationships/ marriage without….the stuffiness that comes with these types of topics?’
As a preface, when making a financial plan as a couple, it is less about how wealthy each partner is, or they are together…
But more so…
About the lifestyle vision for the Unit/ Partnership/ Family…and whether or not you and your partner are aligned in expectations and habits.
Most people subconsciously have a lifestyle threshold that they are comfortable with, but most do not have a deliberate conversation about this with their significant others when in a meaningful relationship, so that they don’t come off as materialistic. Also, what’s even more critical, is subconsciously having a lifestyle threshold and getting frustrated when expectations are not met by yourself or your partner. And yes, you should be included in the plan to meet your personal expectations as well.
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When you feel comfortable having this conversation with your partner, I would suggest a warm, free, and cosy setting to lighten the mood over an already hard to discuss conversation. To begin, you would each need to focus less on the numbers/ budgeting side of things and more on the softer side of things. I’d compare it to setting the vision and mission statements for an organisation before coming up with a 3-year budget with numbers. Some great questions to ask before building the plan include:
What kind of lifestyle do we desire and am I aligned with my partner’s lifestyle choices?
I’ve heard of stories where a newly married wife was genuinely surprised by her husband’s indifference to aspiring for a better standard of living like a choice of the children’s education or where to live. Having these conversations early, in the categories that you care about most, could help you determine if you can build the kind of life you desire in the long term with your partner. The categories should range from basic needs (food, housing, transport, education) to other types of needs (vacations, Asset Purchases etc.).
Am I willing and able to jointly contribute to our agreed lifestyle?
Once you have agreed on the kind of life you would like to live with your partner, it is important to have honest conversations about how you will both achieve your lifestyle goals. This part of the conversation has to be as clear as asking your partner how they would like you to contribute to your jointly defined lifestyle needs, financially and non-financially. Would each partner be required to contribute to a joint account for instance and in what proportion? For a lot of young couples, they can eliminate the frustrations they get from unmet expectations, by knowing exactly what they need to do, to support the vision for the unit.
How flexible will I be in an unforeseen circumstance (illness, job loss, decreased earnings, etc.)?
At this point of the conversation, I hope both parties have agreed on the last two points. If they have, then having an approach to this topic is equally as critical. Would they both feel more comfortable having an insurance policy in place or will they say to each other ‘I’ll fill in, in an unforeseen circumstance’.
Financial planning in relationships when done considerably and right can be magic. Looking forward to bringing you more content that can help people take the pressure off their relationships in this aspect.
Toyosi is a Strategy & Corporate Development Professional with over 8 years of experience in the Financial Services industry. She has spent the last 3 years working at FBNQuest Asset Management. She is passionate about sharing personal finance advice to help others build strong wealth habits.
