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How ‘friendship’ is hindering you from dating

Titi sat across the table from me, quite withdrawn and struggling to focus her attention on me. We got into why she booked a session, she couldn’t find a man to date/marry. We began talking about the situation surrounding this and she said something so profound; ‘all the men in my life are my friends, I don’t see them that way’ to which I responded ‘is it your enemy you want to marry?’ of course, I got no response to this question, rather I got a very long but absolutely loud silence.

Many singles have fallen into same, old lie. For some weird reason, we believe that our ‘friendship’ will be ruined if we date the other person. My concern with this mindset is: ‘why do you think that you’re not capable of building something strong and long lasting with somebody else? Why do you think that you will ruin somebody else just by loving them? Why do you rate yourself so low? Why do you see yourself as incapable of making someone happy?’ You would rather ‘ruin’ relationship with somebody else but still have your friend. Why don’t you see it that you can actually love someone without hurting them?

What makes you run from your friends so you don’t ‘hurt’ them or ‘ruin’ friendship with them, is something that must be looked into and dealt with. It is a disturbing mindset that shows how you see yourself. Why not think that you would not ruin anything with anyone at all?

Read Also: Amazing health benefits of being in Love

Being in love is something beautiful that everyone should experience, however limiting mindsets can be an impediment to this. The thoughts in our heads which I personally refer to as our ‘internal dialogues’ are like magnets, and they are attracting what we are saying to ourselves. You don’t need to open your mouth to say it, so long as you’re thinking about it, someone is getting that vibe from and about you. If your current mindset is ‘dating will ruin friendship’, my concern is that you might end up with a stranger who bears no semblance to what you want in a man as long as he’s not your ‘friend’ and that’s worse!

This is also a conversation we might want to take further by asking if the problem is that your friends are not ‘dateable’ for you. Is it that your standards are higher than the people in your circle? This is also worrisome, if you’re the ‘wisest’ or the ‘best’ in your circle, you should change your circle because there is nothing challenging or inspiring in that circle. Be with people who spur you on into greatness. Be more open-minded!

Ibukun Akinbamijo is a visionary who keeps adding value to men and women. She is the Founder of The Evolution Center; a coaching platform that offers edifying courses engineered towards the training of men and women, to help them live a holistic life. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in International Law and Diplomacy, and a Master’s Degree in Political Science. A Certified Life Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and an Emotions Therapist. She is also an Emotional Intelligence Specialist. Ibukun is a ball of fire who has authored 2 life-transforming books with a number of other book projects in the works, as well as being an Accredited Mediator and ADR Registrar who specializes in peace and conflict resolutions. Connect with her via Email – akinbamijoibukun@gmail.com

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