We grew up in the same neighborhood. We attended the same schools. We studied the same course at the University. We even got married the same year and had our kids almost simultaneously. Ifeoma and I were like twins.
She had a tough demeanor but she was a softie inside. Ifeoma could cry a river at the slightest provocation so she tried as much as she could to avoid things that’d make her get upset to the point of breaking down and because of that she was loved by everyone because she was such a joy giver and peace lover. She was beautiful inside out.
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After having her third child, she started experiencing symptoms that pointed to uterine fibroids. Because I’m not medically inclined she didn’t believe me when I told her what I thought it was. She preferred to manage whatever was going on in her body than see a doctor.
When her periods became heavier, she looked anemic and gaunt and her stomach became abnormally big, Ifeoma decided that it was time to see a doctor.
Just as I had suspected all along, it was confirmed that Ifeoma had multiple uterine fibroids that had to be taken out urgently as they could become life threatening but my friend refused because she was afraid of dying. She had an awesome marriage with an amazing man and she couldn’t imagine dying and leaving him alone.
…”Chima cannot survive without me, he will be useless if I die. I can’t afford to die because of a surgery and leave Chima alone”….this became her anthem.
She also cited several instances of people that died after having the surgery.
Chima called for a family meeting where he pleaded with her family and his to help tell his wife to go and take the fibroids out but she stood her grounds. At this time, I couldn’t be at that meeting physically because I had relocated to Canada so I had to join via Zoom. I watched as Chima broke down as his wife continued to insist that she would not go for the surgery.
About a year later, I was woken up by Chima”s phone call. Ifeoma”s health had worsened and she was going for an emergency surgery. He was scared because the situation looked really bad. I could only encourage him to be strong as we continued to hope for the best. Hours later, after a successful surgery, Ifeoma was taken from the theatre to recovery but the doctors were very worried about her.
After all kinds of tests were done, Ifeoma was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the stomach which had spread to her organs. We were told that this could have been averted if she had taken out the fibroids at the very early stage.
The rate at which she began to fade away after that diagnosis was alarming. I knew after face timing with her that it was only a matter of time before she left is. And yes we did.. we lost her eventually. What she feared most had caught up with her. Ifeoma loved her husband and didn’t want to die and leave him alone and that’s exactly what happened to her.
It’s been three years since my twin sister died. The pain is still fresh each time I think about her. I can’t help but think that some terrible things that happen to us can be avoided if we do the right thing but then again, we are sometimes the architect of our misfortune. Sometimes, I want to hate Ifeoma because I think she killed herself.
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So, I was in Nigeria recently and this trip made me think about the fickleness of life and how we must be intentional about the things happen to us. I traveled to attend Chima’s wedding. After mourning his wife for three years, he decided that it was time to move on and rightly so.
If only my sister and friend had known that life will still go on without her, should would have been more intentional about taking care of herself.
