I connected with Anne*, a younger lady, on social media almost a decade ago, and I was immediately struck by how balanced and articulate she was. A chance conversation in the DMs sparked an inspiring relationship that has blossomed into something extraordinary. Watching her evolve into a dynamic businesswoman and an independent young woman with full control over her life has been a privilege.
Anne was born into a deprived background, living in a “face-me-I-face-you” building. Despite these humble beginnings, she has transformed her life, now thriving in a one-bedroom apartment and owning her own store in a busy part of Ibadan.
Her journey hasn’t been smooth and I’ve been privileged to witness a lot of it. Together, we’ve shared many joyous moments and more than our fair share of tears, including one time her father threatened to disown her. He was convinced she’d secured the funds for moving out of their grim accommodation through dubious means.
Read also: How social media algorithm amplifies misogynistic content – Study
Anne had offered to move the entire family out, but her father, incensed that she felt she could provide better than he had, wanted no part of her money and told her that if she left, she should not bother looking back.
While I have supported her with mentorship, business advice and funding, Anne has achieved her goals through her own sheer grit, determination and resilience; humbling even me who she considers a mentor.
I’ve witnessed firsthand the amazing things that can be achieved through resilience and I can tell you it’s not just about Anne’s story; it’s about all of us.
Resilience matters
In simple terms, resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficulties and adapt to change. It’s about more than just “toughing it out” – it’s about maintaining a positive outlook, managing stress, and finding ways to grow stronger and wiser from adversity.
We are created to be resilient. From a scientific perspective, our brains are wired to adapt to new challenges, learn from experiences, and become stronger in the face of adversity. And our psychological makeup uses components such as self-awareness, self-regulation, optimism, mental agility, and strength of character to form the basis for our resilience.
And the benefits are profound. When you’re resilient, you’re more likely to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to change, and even thrive in the face of adversity. Whether it’s dealing with a difficult boss, navigating a personal crisis, or managing the stress of daily life, resilience gives you the tools to handle it all with grace and strength.
Luckily, it is not a superpower; any one of us can develop resilience. Just like learning to ride a bike or building a muscle, it just requires practice, patience and the right strategies.
First, you must get rid of the “fixed mindset”, the little voice that says: “I’m just not good at math”, and embrace the “growth mindset” – the belief that you can develop abilities and intelligence through effort and perseverance. Believe that with effort, you can develop new skills, whether it’s cooking or mastering that elusive spreadsheet formula.
Next, you must silence your inner critic. Change: “I never succeed at this” and replace it with a determined “I’ll learn how to…” This simple shift in language can change your entire approach to difficulties. You can learn. And when you learn a skill, it just gets easier.
Work on overcoming barriers such as fear, self-doubt and negative self-talk. Talk yourself out of these mental blocks by reminding yourself of past successes and focusing on your strengths. Speak can-do into your life and watch your entire attitude change.
Finally, remember that you’re not alone. Surround yourself with a supportive team – friends, family, mentors – who believe in you and celebrate your victories, big and small. Reach out when you’re feeling low, ask for help if you need guidance, and call them up when you get stuff done!
Read also: Becky Jona: Social media strategist providing digital content for businesses
Building resilience is a lifelong exercise, not a one-time attempt. There will be bumps along the road, moments when you stumble. But with each challenge you face, each setback you overcome, your inner strength grows a little more resilient. Yes, the world might make you bend, but you will not break. You are not easily broken.
Take life’s difficulties as opportunities to learn, to adapt, and to emerge stronger. Diamonds are formed under pressure, and you too can transform into your most resilient self.
Today, my friend Anne is doing just great. She’s completed a Master’s programme and is married to a supportive husband. Her father, shocked by her determination to move out despite his threats, demanded a look into her business activities. He was so impressed by what his daughter had achieved that he now works with her on his days off from his own job, cheerfully doing deliveries and running errands for her. And when he gets to the customers, he excitedly tells them that he was sent by “his madam”, his daughter.
Conquer your fears and deal with the challenges life throws your way. You might bend, but you will not break.
*Not her real name.
Rachel Onamusi is the CEO of VN Sync, a full-service media marketing agency specializing in digital media strategy, has a proven track record of empowering brands through innovative campaigns and strategic partnerships. Based in the UK, Onamusi is a sought-after speaker, writer, and frequent media contributor.
