Every woman’s desperate zone

When a woman thinks her biological clock is ticking, she is vulnerable. When she begins to set wedding dates between one birthday and the next, she is an easy prey. When all she has achieved and is achieving pale into insignificance beside her desire to “settle down”, that is when she becomes a playing thing in the hands of men. She is finally in that place called the desperate zone.

Here, she can no longer see a simple friendship for what it is. She reads meanings into everything her boyfriend says even when the guy can’t remember what he said or when he said it. Every man who winks or smiles at her is a prospective husband. She attends every singles meeting in her church and every church, believing Mr Right is hidden at the end of the year “love feast for singles”. She watches out for such themes as “I must marry this year” on church posters or “2013 my year of marriage”. She is obsessed, totally desperate. Most women actually at this point feel like failures. They feel all the witches and wizards in their villages are behind the problem. That, the evil ones have covered their faces with veil or caged their prospective husbands. That could be true and it may be far off the mark. I have learnt not to tell a desperate 37 or 40 year old searching for a husband that I know how she feels. It just does not work.

What further compounds the troubles of the 40-year old desperate sister is the army of raiding opportunist males who know what she wants, dangle it in front of her nose, do what they wanna do and move on, leaving her bitter and more desperate. It’s awful and men like that needs instant justice, if you ask me. But since you didn’t, let’s move on.

So, a man meets a woman in her late 30s, beautiful, stylish, great job, independent and single. Her guard is down, she lets it slip that she is looking forward to becoming a wife and mum now that her career is at a cruising height. He makes promises. He knows he will not marry her or even allow his seeds get anywhere near her womb but he still clings her along, probably waste another one year she can ill afford. When he has his fill, he discards her like the tissue paper and moves on. Another one comes along and goes as far as introducing her to his family and then zooms off off when she thinks they have somthing going. She tries a younger man, let’s him use her cars which he also deploys to taking his sweet 16s to the movies. He worships her but even trying hard to keep the juice flowing, he is done sucking out the juice of her orange and throws her away.

Truth is, a single-and-desperately-searching-senior-babe goes through so much. Her self esteem is left battered. The men walking through her life leave her damaged. And for as long as she is determined to settle down by fire or by force, she’s easy prey and vulnerable. The predators would keep coming around to milk her.

Yes, getting married is good. Marriage itself is a good thing once you get the bone of your bones but if you are unlucky to end up with someone else’s bone stuck in your throat, you will gasp all the way to your grave or wheel chair. There is nothing wrong in wanting a man by your side, in your bed, one you can call your own with a license to prove it and a certificate of occupying for good measure, but if you buy the wrong property, you cannot occupy it or you do so at the risk of a broken life. And that is why every mature babe should avoid the desperate zone.  It is in every woman’s path, some get married before they get there, others must pass through it. In other words, take charge because it is your life. When you take a wrong turn in the road, always remember that you are in the driver’s seat. You can stop and mope and you can choose to turn and make a fresh start. Do not allow men to turn you into a ping pang ball or even a topic over their evening beer. I admit that it is easier said and done especially when menopause is starring at you in the face. But never forget that the same process gets you pregnant and even HIV.

     Don’t get so desperate as to get sucked in into having unprotected sex with every man who comes your way just because you want to beat your biological clock, you may be signing your death warrant. Resist the temptation to think each man that comes your way is the one you have been waiting for. A little ship can make you careering into disaster. Tell yourself that it is just a phase and for you to have made it this far, even this phase will pass. Beyond this cloud is a silver lining, so do not let these men take advantage of you, you should actually turn the table and use them, if you get my drift.

Now, if you wake up one morning vomiting and hating your favourite perfume, you should dance through that desperate zone. Do not a minute longer if the man responsible for your thickening of waist decides to disgrace his father by denying responsibility, just shake your head and sing;

It shall be permanent

What the lord has done for me

It shall be permanent.

Don’t lose any sleep, but focus on your pregnancy and start shopping like crazy. Buy the latest sexiest flowing gowns and tops. He is a coward who didn’t learn anything his mother taught him. We all should be ashamed of him because one day, just like the prodigal son he’ll return with his stupid tail in between his legs to ask for his son or come claim his daughter or twins when they becomes stars. So, thank God who did not let you labour in vain, carry your pregnancy with pride and let him worry about his cowardice. That child is essentially yours, a sign that God still answers prayers and you know does not share his glory with anybody. Now that you can no longer be called unfruitful vine, why should your blood pressure not be normal.

The worst thing you can do when a coward impregnates you is not appreciating God’s favour, by showing interest on the shivering bloke. Your baby will be born with all his features, bald head, sexy eyes, dimples and even a birthmark on his or her body. Trust me such babies always arrive with their DNA certificates and become prosperous.

Amadi Chinenye Lilian