The title “Mrs” always brings a lot of various seasons for women. For some, it is the fact that they now have their husbands to themselves and can spend all day cuddling and gisting. One question people ask is, “Why is it that when a woman gets married, she suddenly stops talking to her single friends?” Some even say, such ladies, do not retain ties with anyone, whether single or married.
For me, I feel that when a woman gets married, a new life begins and she becomes preoccupied with pleasing her husband, taking care of the home, trying to make money and still manage her in-laws, this seems like a lot of work right?
I remember when I just got married, I didn’t have close ties except with a few. Getting married made me feel that I was finally close to my major best friend — my husband. So the intentionality of keeping close ties with friends wasn’t a major goal for me, but I noticed that my husband continued to enjoy close ties with his friends. He would be on the phone with his best friend for as much as an hour and I would be squirming in jealousy. My new reality dawned on me, “I was married but alone.” I would secretly wonder, “How come I didn’t have friends?” Don’t get me wrong, your husband can be your best friend. You can spend time talking all day but the pressure of revolving your world around him can affect you, especially when he doesn’t meet your expectations. Truth be told, you need mentors, friends and mentees too.
So, what changes did I start to make? Let me share a few tips for living on purpose while still married.
Become intentional with cultivating new friends through your community, church/mosque and online platforms. I signed up for programs and kept close connections, and this was worth it! It is important to note that you can’t be friends with everyone. You need to make friends with people who share your value system and people who are intentional about their growth, relationships and purpose. Prayerfully selecting your friends can be a great step; it prevents you from choosing friends who would hurt you, as it’s so common today.
Discover your purpose and also maximise the online media space. You will be amazed by the people you can impact when you convert your social media accounts into a place for transferring knowledge. Whether you are good in sport, fashion, food, home keeping, parenting, interior décor or music, you can share your experiences with the world. This would help you connect more with people and find purpose outside your spouse positively. No man wants a woman who is always clingy and never able to enjoy her own space, you know? If you are yet to discover your purpose, I would encourage you to read biographies and books on transformation, as well as spirituality.
Make good money and spend it. While taking care of your family, don’t ignore your special treats. While you enjoy making the money, be willing to spoil yourself too. It is so funny how women do the best for their husbands and children alone. Be willing to invest in books, courses, fashion, travels and anything worthwhile.
Invest in self-care routines. Wives, when last did you visit the spa? There are many self-care routines you can start with, from pedicures to skin routines, etc. You can even do it in your house. Get some tools at home and use them, or give yourself a facial treatment at home.
Have you considered travelling? I know the first thing that comes to mind is your children, but don’t pause your life either, instead, find help and delegate, make use of the help of family members when necessary, and agree to get help at home when necessary.
If you need to go for a 5-day trip to Dubai, it is fine if your spouse or family can care for the children as long as you have inculcated the right values that can help them manage their safety. If you never plan it, it will never happen. Save when you need to and then invest wisely, give yourself that treat! You can be married and still live positively independent.
All of these would make sense if you are married to an understanding spouse though, you may need the wisdom to navigate through these things. If you are in a difficult marriage and truly need to get counsel, send an email to email@example.com