Have you ever wondered why your mind refuses to accept that you have experienced heartbreak but keeps stacking up on memories that make you cry? Let us walk through this together.
When ending a relationship, the first thing you must do is to allow your mind to accept the breakup. This is necessary because your brain will still be filled with the memories you once shared.
The laughter, inside jokes, date nights, gifts, long calls, promises, the beautiful times you shared, and even the fights and conflicts. Everything is stored in your brain.
These memories can create a sense of nostalgia, making it difficult for your mind to accept the reality of the situation. You will often wake to your brain replaying those memories, causing heartache and tempting you to revisit the past.
To move forward, your brain must come into agreement with your mind. The solution lies in speaking your thoughts.
Whenever you catch yourself entertaining thoughts like ‘Maybe I should still try and make it work,’ ‘Maybe I should spy on his social media life,’ ‘Maybe I should check WhatsApp status to know if he is now seeing another girl,’ ‘Let me just call him and check on him, at least there’s nothing wrong in still being friends with him,’ you must challenge those thoughts by speaking them out loud.
The newsflash is that those conversations in your mind will keep you enslaved to your ex. You must start speaking your new realities by countering what your mind suggests.
It is helpful to think along these lines: ‘Oh, I’m no longer dating xyz.’ ‘It was a painful experience, and I feel like I wasted my years, but I need to sit down, pick my lessons and see how I can move on.’ ‘Xyz and I are no longer an item, so I do not want to be bombarded with all these thoughts about how we spent time together and how it could still work.’
Do you see? The more you verbalise your thoughts, the more clarity and perspective you’ll gain. Please know that it’s natural to reminisce, but dwelling on the past won’t change the present. Embrace the memories, but don’t let them define your future. Take control of your thoughts, and you’ll begin to heal and move forward.
Your hand may want to reach for your phone through a reflex to send a message or make a call, but it’s your duty to exercise self-control. That’s the first thing.
The second thing is that it’s best to limit your access to your ex. For instance, if your ex is a WhatsApp contact, mute their status update to avoid constant reminders. Failing to do so may lead to persistent notifications, which may not be good for you, especially if the breakup was less than amicable.
When a relationship is meaningful, like one where you’ve spent years together, it’s harder to move on. Unlike casual relationships, where you can easily say, ‘I’ve moved on.’ But breaking off a deep relationship leaves you wondering, ‘Should I try again?’ or ‘Should I go back?’
To break free, you must consciously avoid situations that might lead you back to your ex. If your office is near theirs, take an alternative route or adjust your schedule to avoid encounters, especially during times when you know you’ll likely run into them.
The third thing you want to do is to take the time and energy you spent on your ex and invest it in others or new activities. For example, if you and your ex spent a long time on calls or hangouts, do you have friends you can talk to during this period? Do you have a mother, father or sibling that you can talk to?
You will need to fill the void of your previous lifestyle by keeping yourself busy with solo adventures, workouts, church visits, or whatever suits you. Avoid too much idle time, as it can lead you back to old habits and maybe even your ex! Cut back on phone time and explore new hobbies like reading or movies. Switching up your routine will speed up the healing process and move on.
The fourth is to reconnect with God daily. I remember a time when I experienced a very painful heartbreak; it was such a lamentable one. This was someone with whom I thought our relationship would end in marriage. I used to fondly tell him that he’s the source of my happiness, the love of my life, and other lovey-dovey rhymes. But all of a sudden, without any conflict, without any misunderstanding, he disconnected bit by bit until it was over.
He couldn’t tell me directly that he was no longer interested in our relationship; he wanted me to read the signs. Unlike me, you are luckier if you and your ex discussed your breakup. My ex just started disconnecting, withdrawing, and isolating himself; he wasn’t responding to my messages and calls anymore, and this is more painful because closure is harder this way. If you have experienced this kind of heartbreak, it is well; you are not alone.
When I persisted in getting answers from him, he responded to my concerns with a funny parable, saying, ‘No communication, no lines, yet questions and questions. Common sense and fools.’ Eventually, it dawned on me that it was time to move on.
As I navigated this challenging phase, I learnt that true guidance and strength come from God. And the best way to tap into that inner wisdom is by communing with God daily. Through prayer and meditation, you can also quiet your mind, listen to your heart, and receive the guidance you need to move forward.
I hope you gained value from this article. If you need further help on how to overcome your heartbreak, you can reach out via [email protected]
