• Tuesday, July 23, 2024
businessday logo


Five ways you are enabling abuse in your relationship

Five ways you are enabling abuse in your relationship

Most of the red flags that show up in marriages are often already present during the early stages of the relationship. Unfortunately, in many cases, people tend to ignore these toxic signs due to the power of love.

If you’re blinded by emotions, you may choose to ignore certain behaviours displayed by your partner simply because they are physically attractive, rich, caring, show kindness despite their abusive tendencies, apologise for their actions, or perhaps due to unresolved trauma you are yet to heal from—the impact of this can be that you’re accepting some level of abuse because you do not know you deserve better.

In this article, I want to share five ways that show that you are enabling abuse, which can worsen when you get into marriage.

1. Overlooking signs of toxic patterns

If you’re currently in a relationship where your partner claims to love you, asserts that they deserve you, and always claims to be ever present in your life, yet they continue to inflict physical pain on you, such as slapping you during an argument, or maybe you’re dating someone who is never present in the relationship emotionally, you need to reconsider the relationship.

If you continue to overlook the toxic patterns in your relationship, then you are enabling abuse that will continue when you get into marriage.

2. One-sided love

This occurs when you are the only one devoted to nurturing love in the relationship, you don’t care, as long as you’re present in the life of your partner. Today, a lot of people are in relationships where their partners engage in infidelity, yet they feel content with the fact that they have access to money, fame, or other associated benefits that come along with being with their partner.

This scenario often arises when dating celebrities or individuals with high profiles. The downside of this is that you’ll end up in a narcissistic marriage where your partner doesn’t show you love, care, and support for your personal growth. You’ll experience more signs of neglect, rejection, and abandonment if you don’t set your boundaries now.

It is crucial to stop permitting yourself to be the only one giving love in your relationship and speak with your partner to rise and take their place in that relationship.

Read also: Engaging children beyond the screen this holiday

3. Managing a financial parasite

If you enable your partner to always have access to your money, borrow money from you without returning it, or allow them to exert control over your possessions, this signifies the beginning of you permitting your partner to be irresponsible and lazy. You must understand that being in a relationship does not equate to your partner having complete control over you.

You still have your individuality and should be able to set boundaries when necessary. Don’t make your partner financially lazy by spoiling them with too many gifts, assets, or possessions, as this will lead to an entitlement mentality and financial laziness. Avoid these things if you want to experience financial balance in marriage.

4. Cohabitation

You might find yourself thinking, “Oh, I love this person,” or “I don’t have anywhere else to stay,” or “I don’t need to pay double house rent, so I’ll move in with my partner.”

When you start granting your partner all these privileges, it hinders them from thinking about the future of the relationship. They begin to enjoy all the benefits of a committed relationship without truly investing in it. Also, at some point, over-familiarity will set in, which will lead to many petty fights.

You should do your best to set your boundaries, maintain your own living space, and allow your partner to get to know you gradually. Let your partner know that you are not someone who sacrifices your individuality to become a wife before the legal commitment of marriage.

Cohabitation may appear popular in today’s world, but it has countless shortcomings. A lot of relationships engaged in cohabitation often delay marriage or even lead to abusive tendencies.

So, choose how you want to navigate your relationship with your partner now.

5. Condoning infidelity

If your partner cheats in a relationship, and you always accept their apologies or dismiss their infidelity because you have access to other things, or hold the mindset that men always cheat, then you are about to step into a marriage where there will be adultery at a higher degree.

It is beneficial to start setting boundaries for behaviours you will not tolerate in your future marriage and begin asserting your desires and expectations now. Be firm in communicating these.

If you’re unsure about whether you’re currently in an abusive relationship or if you need to seek guidance on how to stop enabling abuse in your relationship, I’ll advise that you read my book, “Uncovering Red Flags.” Get your copy by going over to www.nikefolagbade.com/newbooks

Have a good time evaluating your relationships.