The beginning of strife is like letting out water [as from a small break in a dam; first it trickles and then it gushes]; Therefore abandon the quarrel before it breaks out and tempers explode. Proverbs 17:14.
A lot of parents have made their children inherit enemies, some children out of loyalty to their parents have unconsciously acquired enemies on behalf of their parents.
Children are naturally innocent and have no conscious intent for grudges or malice. However, when parents play the cards of loyalty, a child loses the ability to make right and healthy decisions for themselves in situations that are extremely emotional.
Children are avid imitators, they watch your every move like a hawk and it’s easy for them to reproduce your attitude. So, if you are one who is easily offended and never forgives, you are grooming a replica of yourself.
Humans are creatures of habit, and we thrive with human interactions (relationships) and we often have misunderstandings in relationships however, we can manage it and not allow it escalate. Relationships amongst cousin, nephews, uncles, aunties and everyone in the family tree is very important however, when the parents or guardian who ought to know better introduces segregation due to strife, it brings on confusion for the children. There is no better preparation for adulthood than a home founded on strong and healthy relationships.
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A child does not understand why he is unable to communicate with his cousins or neighbours. In the beginning, he will disobey his parents but after series of stern warnings, he stops and is scared for most of his life until he eventually finds help and this may in turn affect a lot of his choices in life.
One of these kinds of behaviour is self-doubt in the child. It might not seem so at first, but every time the child makes a decision with regards to building a relationship, he or she second guesses themselves and would want to seek the validation of others or the parents for a go ahead and this also causes trust issues for the child as well.
A child cannot go through life having trust issues, people are going to wonder if he is insane. We never how much damage these unhealthy patterns of behaviour can cause in the lives of our children.
Better is a dry morsel of food served with quietness and peace than a house full of feasting served with strife and contention. Proverbs 17:1.
Imagine a home with so much partying and celebrations but there is a lot of contention amongst the family members, strife can impact negatively on the children which leads to children who suffer from anxiety, aggression, insecurity and has a lot of trust issues.
Children are the most vulnerable victims of our choices and our projected traumas.
I tell you a story of a close-knit family. Victor and Tony who are siblings, eventually had their families and gave birth to three children each. Tony would do anything for his only brother and vice versa. Victor required Tony’s assistance, but he was unable to take on the burden for his brother at the time as he had invested in some businesses, and he had only given this information to his wife and not his brother.
Resentment slowly began to set in, the children would not speak to Tony’s children, they had reported this to their dad, but he would urge them to continue to press in. One day, the youngest of Victor’s children called his cousin a thief. You are a thief just like your father, this led to a huge fight and both families had to sit down and lay it all bare and they tried to trace all the dots to connect why all these happenings started and gradually started noticing their short comings and faults.
Not every family might be this fortunate to have a second chance to change the course of their history so as parents, our children cannot be the keeper of our strife and bad attitudes. Strife destroys, it is our duty to tell them the truth about situations and let them know it is not their responsibility to take on situations that they have little or no information about in their bid to stay loyal to their parents.
