Before dating someone, shouldn’t you do some findings?

I thought my days of worries over heart breaks were over. I thought, “Finally, I can breathe effortlessly.” A Pastor asked me out. “Me?  A cute one for that matter, I must be really lucky.” I said to myself. When we went out on the first date, I tried to put up a very good ‘wifely’ character. I didn’t demand for much. I raised topics around the bible, centring my topics around investment and savings and the need to avoid frivolous spending. I could see the look of approval in his eyes. “I was winning his heart” I thought. But then, just within few days of knowing him, he was already demanding for sex. That raised my suspicions. I never saw this coming. I was willing to date a Pastor because I wanted a sex free relationship. A relationship that will lead to the altar within months of dating. “I thought Pastors preached against fornication and adultery. So why was he asking for it?” So many thoughts ran through my head.

It got so bad that when I visited him, he offered to write me a cheque so that he could have his way. “How much do you want? Just say it, I will write you a cheque, just  let me.” Pastor Max said. Those words sent warning bolts to my head. This Pastor definitely must be crazy, obsessed or sex starved. I didn’t want to be a victim of rape and this man sounded like one who was capable of rape. He went in to get the cheque, but by the time he was out, I was gone. That day I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. He called back to apologise.  He said, “I’m sorry about those things I said. It will never come out of my mouth again. I want to marry you; in you I see all the virtues of a wife. You are my missing rib. Thank God I found you and I’m not letting you go without a fight.” Well, trust us women. We are moved by words. My heart melted and we continued. But then, I tried as much as possible to avoid his place.

God being so kind, I met an old friend who happened to know this Pastor. He saw I and the Pastor together. Trust me; he had so much to say about him. He started, “that guy is asking you out?” I replied, “No, actually we are going out.” he couldn’t hide his displeasure at the news. “You both are what?” he asked as though he didn’t hear me the first time. “We are going out” I replied again. “You must be joking, or rather insensitive, too carried away or just plain stupid to see that that guy is fake.” I laughed, “That person you just called guy is a Pastor. He knows every area of the bible, he speaks  in ton..” “Please hold it!” he said, cutting me short. “Can’t you discern a charade when you see one? That guy is a freaking womanizer. He is a sex monger. He can sleep on anything in a skirt.” I looked strangely at him and all I could mutter was, “But he is a Pastor, right?” he gave me a bewildering look, “who cares if he is a Pastor. Even If he is a Pope, it doesn’t change the fact that he is a womanizer. All set out to break another girl’s heart. Not just you, I’m sure he is dating 5 more out there. You are not the only one.” So many thoughts began to run through my head. “How did you know all these?” I asked. “That’s not the right question.” He said. “The question is, has he done anything with you?” “No, he hasn’t. I have been careful.” I could see the look of relief on his face. “That’s great news. I’m glad you haven’t.  The answer to that your question, I know this guy right from my undergraduate days. This guy can’t let any light skinned girl out of his sight without asking them out. He has a tendency to get very arrogant when you refuse him or deny him what he wants. I’m sure that he has lost count of the number of girls he has been with.  I know you might doubt these things that I say. But I want you to find out yourself. Why don’t you go over to his house tonight, wait till he falls asleep, then go through his phone. I bet you, you will see lots of things that will open your eyes.” I gave a curt laugh. “Go to his house? After all these things you just said? Ordinarily, I was afraid to, how much more now, when you have revealed these things to me?” I didn’t know where the courage came from. But somehow, I found myself in his house that night. I don’t know why I did it, probably because I wanted to find out the truth. I told myself that if it was the truth, I was going to take the evidences to his Head Pastor, enough is enough, deceit from someone so revered and believed to be a leader?. It was high time somebody stopped him from his callous activities and that person was me. I was equipped for the visit. I was very warm at his place, I cooked for him and he ate more than enough…then I went into the toilet and locked myself in there. I’m sure he waited and waited for me to come out until he slept off. I could hear him snore so badly. The sound of his snore was enough to drive any sane person nuts. I tiptoed to his phone; it was an easy access, no password. The things in that phone were so dirty. The nude pictures were disgusting; the whatsapp conversations were the dirtiest I had ever read. I stared at him as he snored so loudly. I could feel a strong hatred crawl up my heart. I felt like tying him up and beating the crap out of him. I sent the messages to my phone as quickly as I could. “He wasn’t getting away with this one. This will be the last game he will ever play with anyone.” I promised myself. I looked at the time. It was 11pm. His house was 30mins away from mine. If I were to leave, it was now or never. I crept to the main door, with my sandals in my hands; I unbolted the door, and ran without looking back. I stayed at the bus top waving at bikes until one eventually stopped. I got into my room panting so badly. I had never taken such a risk in my life before. I was glad I got that evidence. The next day, I sent him some messages, threatening to end his ‘charade’ as a Pastor. The next thing I did was to go straight to his Pastor. All these rubbish has got to stop. Maybe it hasn’t, but I’m sure it has been drastically curbed. He slept with almost all the girls in the choir I was later to find out. He almost added me to the list, what an escape…God must certainly love me.

Chinyere Okeke