A client said to me a little while ago; ‘I want to be able to say everything to my woman and not be scared. I am not talking to HR, why is it so difficult to talk to her? It’s not an office conversation’
One of the things that stood out to me when my client spoke to me was his value for communication and his need for friendship with his partner. This is a much overlooked part in dating these days. People date for many reasons and sometimes friendship is at the back burner. I hear people say things like ‘he/she’s my friend, I can’t date him/her’.
I find that shocking because it brings the question, ‘do you want to date your enemy?’
Life is too intense to be with someone you can’t go through the transitions of life with. You will experience many things and it is just important to be with someone who is like a backbone for all seasons. Friendship is extremely key when choosing someone to date; the butterflies will fade, and you will be left with whatever level of friendship you have built.
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The lock-down exposed this major flaw in many relationships as we saw that many people had been living through their escape channels e.g. work, church, clubs etc. And the lock-down came, with no escape routes, the frailty of their relationship was exposed. We have the chance to build well from our dating periods.
Sometimes in dating, you hear certain partners say ‘he/she’s too sensitive’; this calls for great understanding from both parties. Your partner has a right to feel upset about something and you have to respect that. Building friendship should not be an excuse for insensitivity. Your partner has a right to feel what they feel and you have to respect it.
One of the many things friendship does is allow us access to the heart and mind of our partners. We are able to understand what makes them tick and what doesn’t. Friendship is how we build intimacy. It is how we understand our thinking patterns.
A few days ago, my parents turned 35 years in marriage and the major lesson from their life together for me is friendship. The sustaining factor for both of them through the storms they have been through is friendship. Strive to be with your friend; money is great but life is more than money. Life is also more than sex. Build on things that will last you longer; things that will sustain you in life.
‘He/she’s my friend’ should be a plus for dating not the other way round. For many singles, the desire to be with someone who is not their ‘friend’ is why they are still single and searching. Don’t allow what does not exist block what can and should exist.
Ibukun Akinbamijo is a visionary who keeps adding value to men and women. She is the Founder of The Evolution Center; a coaching platform that offers edifying courses engineered towards the training of men and women, to help them live a holistic life. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in International Law and Diplomacy, and a Master’s Degree in Political Science. A Certified Life Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and an Emotions Therapist. She is also an Emotional Intelligence Specialist. Ibukun is a ball of fire who has authored 2 life-transforming books with a number of other book projects in the works, as well as being an Accredited Mediator and ADR Registrar who specializes in peace and conflict resolutions. Connect with her via Email – firstname.lastname@example.org