When the knives cut deep

No need telling you a long story, I’m just going to keep this short and go straight to the point. Two years ago, my husband left me for my best friend. I just found out that they’re getting married.

Throughout our short marriage, I never had any unpleasant thoughts toward my husband. I was happy and I assumed he felt the same way too. It was shocking when he told me that he was leaving me. I was in utter despair. I tried to remember if we had unresolved problems but I couldn’t think of any.

Although Sodi had abandoned me, the fact that he was leaving me for my best friend made the situation much more difficult to bear. I have never felt so alone in my life. It was like something straight out of a movie. Two important people in my life– stabbing me in the back and in my heart at the same, the hurt was so deep.

Sodi and I met at a party and we hit it off right away and started dating. I personally thought we had a ‘perfect relationship’ because we never fought, we knew exactly how to make each other happy, we laughed a lot and we had the same hobbies. After dating for about a year, he told me that I was the one for him. We got married six months later and we were going to live happily ever after…or so I thought. He was my first everything.

I also had a best friend who I loved dearly. Tamara was the only other friend I had besides my husband. She got a new job that took most of her time so we sort of drifted apart physically but we still spoke on the phone often and tried to see each other on weekends. I noticed she slowly started to make excuses and no longer wanted to hang out with my husband and I.

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Sodi started behaving funny few months after we were married. He finally admitted that he’s been “cheating emotionally” with Tamara for a while. He gave me the old “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore line”. He told me that he had a special connection with Tamara and that he was really drawn to her. I listened in shock as the love of my life told me how he loved my best friend. I cried like I was going to die. I was heart broken. He just kind of stood there without much emotion and watched as I nursed my broken heart. I knew then that he didn’t love me anymore.

If he was drawn to Tamara why did he marry me at all? Why didn’t he just save me the stress, shame and embarrassment? Of all the women in the world, why my best friend? This whole situation made me sick to my stomach.

I was so distraught..my family tried their best to find out what could have gone wrong but Sodi was either not ready to grant them audience or when he did, he had nothing to say or was always in a hurry to go away.
When my family couldn’t get through to him, I decided to reach out to his mom and sister because I was close to them but I was shocked at how they totally shut me out. This is sad because they were family to me, we got along great.

I tried to reach Tamara to find out what I had done to deserve such treatment from her but she refused to meet with me or take my calls. She blocked me. My husband texted me to apologize for everything and that he no longer wanted any contact with me, I didn’t even reply. That was the last I heard from him before his lawyer brought the divorce papers for me to sign.

I discovered that I was pregnant when Sodi left me. My family advised that we keep it a secret. I travelled out of the country to have my son while the divorce proceeding was done in absentia.

There’s something I need to add at this point. You see, a few years ago, Tamara had an abortion that went wrong so she may never have children. This has been a secret between the two of us (best friend code). I have not mentioned this to anyone until now. I know how crazy Sodi is about having children and how much he wants to be a father but I choose to be silent.

I just found out from a mutual friend that they announced their engagement on Facebook. They are getting married in June. It is surprising that a bunch of our mutual friends will be attending the wedding. I don’t even know who my true friends are anymore.

So I sit here tonight very hurt. Everything that happened with those two and what they did to me comes back and hit me right in the face. I really loved them both. I wonder if they ever cared about me.

I look at my son, a spitting image of his father. A constant reminder of what I lost. Sodi doesn’t know that he has a son but I know that he will find out one day so I wait patiently for that day. While I wait, I’ll keep my eyes and heart open to finding love again. I deserve to be loved.

And as for Sodi and Tamara? I’ve handed the whip over to karma. I’ll only gonna be a matter of time.