“The short-term pain of accepting the truth is much better than the long-term pain of believing an illusion.”
When you are fearful, angry, sad, or frustrated, you are caught up in an illusion that seems real. When you react and act on that illusion you move deeper into the illusion causing you suffering and pain. An illusion is something that is or likely to be wrongly perceived or interpreted by your senses, such as, sadness because you did not get that expected call assuming the worst. No one can make you sad unless you allow it. Because of your illusion, you invent an interpretation and blame everything and everyone for your pain and actions wanting the person or situation to change. You believe if you can just change the situation or their behaviour through your emotions and actions, for example, tears, threats, reasons, or anger, your pain will disappear resolving your fears. But your emotional stress has nothing to do with anything external, i.e., rejected by a manager, partner, school, financial institution, or family member. The external is only a trigger that brings up your painful pattern of emotional experiences and judgmental thoughts. Use this knowledge by:
Recognising that your experiences are products from your internal emotions and intentions.
Choosing not to react or act negatively toward the external trigger of your emotional anxiety and thoughts. Your desire to make external changes does not affect changing you.
“We are only as blind as we want to be.” Maya Angelou
Sitting with yourself long enough to respond from a loving, pleasing, and joyful place.
This does not mean you have to like the situation. It means you “must” learn to use the situation to your advantage by learning about yourself, seeing, and seizing upon the opportunity from it. For example, you get angry with your spouse, co-worker, or friend because they did not agree with you. You believe they are causing your anger which is an illusion. Your illusion and anger of blame results in your negative reaction of avoidance, yelling, or retribution for getting you angry. Your mission becomes to fight to change “them” to agree with you or do it your way. This allows you to escape placing the focus on understanding you and what you must change within yourself. The only way to see and seize upon the opportunity of the situation is to ask and answer the following:
Why does their disagreement matter so much that I am this angry and reacting in a way that causes me and them emotional or physical harm?
Am I really that angry with them or myself because i gave or sacrificed too much, stayed too long, or should have never engaged in the first place?
How are you defining yourself when angry – not enough, capable, or worthy?
How far have I taken a fight like this? What were my consequences?
How can I recognize, choose, and react better when in challenging situations?
You must recognise that their disagreement did not cause your anger. Their disagreement is only the trigger that produced your anger. Rather than react to your illusion through external blame, reflect on why the trigger of disagreement caused you to become angry. Your pattern of getting angry and your intentional reaction from it has and will always deliver consequences you will not like, i.e., strained relationships, unhappiness, or being unfulfilled. Address your situation from the inside out rather than working to focus on changing from the outside in.
According to Gary Zukav, renowned author Seat of the Soul, you must focus on being authentically humble and clear through forgiveness. When you forgive, you challenge your fears that has judged another individual. You choose not to continue in the illusion but to continue to choose not to indulge in bitterness, righteousness, or anger. The freedom that comes from moving beyond the control of your fears is the experience that comes from forgiveness.
Read also: We must learn to raise balanced children through appropriate compliments
Forgiveness is the decision to love. It is a direct challenge to your fears and anxieties. Your decision to forgive is the creation of authenticity. It puts you back into harmony with the experiences of love over anger, sadness, or other anxieties. Love aligns with the universe helping you to understand the positive role temptation plays in your life. It is a gift and an opportunity to grow authentically and be compassionate.
So when you find yourself in a situation or with a person that triggers anxiety, know that it is your choice whether to remain in an illusion about it or look internally for the reality of it. Choose internal reality to find the root cause of your emotion to determine the right solution ensuring you act from a place of love and forgiveness.
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