5 things men planning to ‘japa’ must not do

Newly married men who are planning to japa with their wives must “shine their eyes” before concluding on their plan, a travel agent has said.

Speaking with BDSunday, the agent, who helps prospective travellers to process their documents, said that not all men that go abroad remain married with their women.

“The Western world is a different environment. What is not an issue here in Nigeria is a big issue in America, Canada or the United Kingdom,” he said.

According to him, “I do not advise young couple to move to these countries, except those who have strong religious background; they have had their marriage solidified here and they have no serious point of disagreement that makes the wife nag or regret the marriage.”

The agent explained that due to the permissive nature of the Western world that gives women unbridled rights to do whatever they wish to do and are protected by the law far more than men, it becomes very dangerous for any man managing his marriage to move to such an environment with the wife.

He listed what he described as “five don’ts for any man planning to relocate abroad.”

Number One: You must not relocate anywhere on the wealth of your wife.

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According to him, some men make the mistake of moving to America or Canada just because their wives could bankroll the movement.

“They have no job or hope of any, but they are liabilities to their wives or their wives’ parents or relatives. Before long your wife will be demanding your financial contribution and problem will burst,” he said.

Number Two: Do not sell off everything you have in order to fund your japa dream. Leave something for a fallback in case of misadventure.

Number Three: Ensure that your love for your wife is so strong and she also loves you to bits. This is because the life in the Western world can sweep off a woman who has not been such exposed to begin to sing another tune, particularly if the marriage is still young and has not produced any child or has even produced either one or two.

“I have seen couples who have had three or four children going their separate ways because the women insisted on having all the enjoyment that the environment can afford. They are mostly empowered by the law that always favours them when it comes to matrimonial issue.

“I know some Nigerian women who have had to force their husbands to return to Nigeria empty-handed because the law was on their side,” he said.

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Number Four: Do not plan your trip on the basis of getting hooked to a citizen of the country as wife.

He explained: “Many Nigerian men, before they leave the country, their plan is to seek a woman, a citizen of the country of their choice, to seal their stay in such country.

“While such an arrangement has worked for a few people, it has destroyed a lot of Nigerian men.

“Some will deliberately go and befriend an obviously old woman, as old as their mothers, with the aim of getting permanent residency. In the past, this worked easily but nowadays, it does not work so easily.

“My sincere advice is that from the first day the idea to travel comes to your mind, be intentional about what you want and how you hope to cope in the country of your choice and not by taking steps that may destroy your future.”

Number five: you must be independent. You must have some money to enable you live a fairly good life before you secure a job. It does not make any sense to begin to beg to eat as soon as you land in the country of your choice.

The travel agent said: “Even if you travelled on the invitation of some people, do not be a burden. I know of some young men who, out of the euphoria of travelling out, are now stranded in Canada,. They have no money on them and they cannot even came back. Those they left behind in Nigeria would be thinking they are living fine in those countries but they are not. It is high time parents started looking into the ‘japa’ plan of their children.

“Although the socio-economic and political condition of our country is nothing to write home about, there is no place like home.

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“For those who travel without the correct documents, it is even worse. They are always endangered species. They are always afraid of their shadows and the question is, why going to a foreign land to live in fear?

“In life, I strongly believe that ‘what gonna be, gonna be!’ Everyone has his/her own day of divine visitation. It does not necessarily mean it will happen in Canada, America, UK or any other place out there; it can happen here and it does happen here.”

Also speaking with BDSunday, a marriage counsellor advised Nigerians to do proper due diligence before moving out.

The counsellor, a psychologist by training, who has worked with a federal health institution, told our reporter on condition of anonymity that people must “look before they leap.”

She shared many cases of japa that went awry.

“A few years ago, a young man was kicked out of his marriage in America. His only sin was that he did not kiss the wife or present her with a flower when she put to bed their baby. The young man was shocked because he never considered such things as big issues. The lady told him it was over between them. He has since returned to Nigeria to start afresh.

“It was easy to kick the man out of the marriage and out of the apartment because they moved to America on the sponsorship of the lady’s parents. They considered the young man a gold digger.

“The lady comes from the part of Nigeria where women cherish to be single mothers. So, having tricked the man into false marriage and also having gotten a baby through him, she was satisfied. The young man is still picking the pieces of his life and yet to recover from the trauma.

“I will also add that married men should not send their wives to some of these places and stay back in Nigeria. It is also dangerous,” the marriage counsellor said.

Read also: Reverse Japa: Return of diaspora Nigerians happens more often than you think

“A few years ago, a colleague of ours in the office borrowed everywhere to send his wife to America. They had three children. The man was here suffering, expecting the wife to come pick him and the children. What did he get instead? Divorce!

“From nowhere, a message came that his wife was going to marry another man she has seen and befriended over there. To cut a long story short, the woman returned to Nigeria with her new man, and told her family to return the bride price our colleague paid on her. Don’t forget, they had three great children. There was no quarrel; it was our colleague that sent her abroad.”