Are you currently married to someone who doesn’t pursue growth as you do? It’s common to see a combination of self-driven spouses and a laid back partner and this can be frustrating.
Growth is part of life but not everybody sits down to plan their next 5, 6, 8 and 10 years. For some people, life is happening to them, for others, life is happening for them. In this article, let us look at how to navigate the different scenarios that can show up.
If you are not yet married,
Endeavour to marry someone who shares similar values and growth plans like you. Your values may not be exactly the same, but they should match each other. Can two walk together except they are agreed?
Watch out for your partner’s reaction when conversations around growth comes up. Observe their eagerness to execute tasks, ideas and overcome procrastination.
Be clear about who you are, what you want and where you are headed. This makes it easy to discuss your visionary plans and see how you can complement and support each other.
If your current partner is not the visionary type:
The decision lies in your court, you need to troubleshoot why you are in that relationship. What was the attraction? What connected you both together?
Are you putting your partner under pressure? Are you trying to fix them or force them to become a kind of person?
Be clear about your motives so that you do not push your partner in the wrong way. It is important to have acceptance at the core of your relationship, do you accept your partner the way they are if they never truly evolve much?
Is your partner limited by little knowledge, environment or life challenges? These are questions to ask.
Now, are you willing to encourage your partner to growth? Or are you married already and want to learn how to catalyse your partner into the growth you want? The following tips would help:
Understand your partner’s personality, perspectives and passion: While you may be eager to make your partner become a certain person or pursue a certain career, refocus the attention on their uniqueness and not on your own preferences only. Some people love business, some love a great career path while some people prefer to blossom in a calling they feel sent to do. This begins through careful observation and the next point which is communication.
Communicate about everything: Before you share your dreams and expectations, listen to your partner. Ask about their inspiration from their younger years to understand what influences them. Some people were born into a family where living in their comfort zone was the order of the day. There was no great dreams or model that inspired anyone. This can greatly affect a person’s ability to dream big. This will make you to show empathy instead of speaking in a condescending manner.
Be genuinely interested in them: How you handle the matter determines how your partner opens up to you. Try not to speak down on your partner and appreciate the little uniqueness they have. Some people are truly happy about just living a regular life. Still express your joy towards their openness. Offer the right counsel with a great dose of respect and understanding and their heart can begin to open up further.
Create a transformational environment or trigger: If your partner is finding it difficult to think bigger, get them into a thriving space. This can be via encouraging them to read specific books like ‘Believe Bigger’ by Marshawn Evans or Brian Tracy books. You can also register them into a coaching relationship or program, this can be the light they need to turn on. Pay attention to how they learn, some people just need a vacation, YouTube Vlogs, Real time testimonials or Result oriented conversations. This can cause a trigger gradually.
Be patient: While your partner may struggle to evolve as you want, it is not on you to see a quick growth, give them the opportunity to blossom. Cheer them on and let them know that every action counts. Offer grace when they fail too.
Pray for your partner’s heart to be receptive to change and counsel.
If you are not yet married, you should evaluate your decisions if after some years, there seems to be no improvement. You cannot force anyone to become who they are not, some people are actually comfortable with being traditional in their approach towards family, they do not believe in having big ambitions and dreams. It is completely fine to be there for a season but you should decide for yourself.
If you are married, and you have tried everything, if nothing happens, seek counselling and live a life that would become the result they need to become better. Sometimes, you need a mentor or coach to walk with you to make you become, you can be the light they need. Nagging and complaining may not work, your result can become the best trigger.
Seek support from likeminded friends, communities and platforms that enable you to grow.
