• Monday, June 24, 2024
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Being tender changes everything

Being tender changes everything

Every time I read the Bible verse that says that “a soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger”, while I may want to argue, I have seen it happen for me also. This is very true. You cannot respond to a mad man in hot anger, you will be inviting trouble into your bosom.

In my earlier years in marriage, whenever my husband asks me about something he had asked me to do or we get into a confrontational posture with ourselves, it would end up becoming sour, usually, the conversation would go like this:

Him: Have you done the XYZ I asked you to do?
Me: Oh, I have not, I got busy with XYZ.
Him: So how come I have to remind you about it?
Me: Can’t you see that I have truly being busy with some chores?
And then we begin an unnecessary chain of argument.

After this argument, I would start feeling like he was not understanding enough. Why couldn’t he see that I was busy? Why couldn’t he ask me later on? I would keep ranting in my mind with rage and meditating on this but at some point, I realized that my response was the problem.

His focus was on what had to be done, my own focus should have been on the result and outcome too but because sometimes, as women, we like to get emotional about things, I always bring in my sentiments at that point.

Now, what about if it had been like this?
Him: Have you done the XYZ I asked you to do?
Me: Oh, I have not, I am sorry about that, I would do it in few minutes.
Him: Hmmm. Okay. (Silence)
End of discussion.

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This works a lot and has saved me from too many misunderstandings.

For this to happen like this, I have to be humble and tender in my response.

Let me balance this for you.

As a spouse, it is important to show understanding and empathy in how things flow in your home.

If your spouse has been stressed, that should not be a good time to confront on some deliveries or expectations you had. And while this is true, I cannot stress the fact that, our spouses may not read our minds but you can meet them in the middle.

There are days when my husband would never ask me such questions because he can see that I am clearly busy but there are days that he is just in a different mood and wants the result itself. On days like this, I have to remind myself that I am intentionally hosting God’s presence in my life and I cannot afford to be carefree about my posture in the home.

Back to you, whenever you can sense an argument about to happen in your home, you can use wisdom to respond better. You do not have to be the spouse that does tit for tat and gives it hot. You are called to be a light and as a light, you act with the wisdom that God has given to you.

You do not have to wait for your partner to be perfect to walk in wisdom, you can be the light shining in the dark and making a difference. It grows you, it gives you peace of mind and empowers you to thrive.

When all you do is fight and revenge, you end up feeling unstable and unable to focus on your day.

Your mind will be filled with all the drama that happened.

Hence, be the light. Be tender. Respond with a soft response. Choose to fight some battles when the environment is more peaceful and accommodating, you have a long time in your marriage to address some issues later.

I hope you will start doing this?

If you would love to have a counseling session, start with a free 20 mins session here https://calendly.com/nficoaching/20min or book a paid session that gives us the opportunity to speak in a structured manner with enough time to explore solutions here: www.nikefolagbade.com/coachingpackage. Remember that every marriage is unique and the solutions should apply to your own unique marriage.