• Wednesday, June 19, 2024
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Afraid of marriage? Do these instead

The marriage radar (Part 1)

In today’s world, we see a lot of social media posts and articles that speak about the failures of marriages.

Marital breakdown is not peculiar to a certain gender, class, or race as celebrities, pastors, leaders, and even unknown people experience it only daily.

Those who are married continue to feel like their marriage will soon fall apart; and those who are single exercise a lot of fear towards marriage.

Why are marriages breaking today?

Some people have resorted to staying away from marriages. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to hear statements like:

‘I don’t want to get married, oh!’

‘I can’t deal, oh! I don’t want to be in bondage.

‘I can’t take this!’ And so on…

The situation is so pathetic that the commitment mindset in marriage is beginning to diminish.

If you’re single, and your perspective about marriage has been distorted by the articles and videos that display the chaos in marriage, I’d advise that you do these things, instead of living in fear.

1. Change your environment.

The environment in this context touches on internal and external factors that continue to provide negative exposure, mindsets, and opinions about marriage.

The internal environment affects your mind. Meanwhile, the mindset you have about marriage is a product of what you think, what you have heard, and seen.

Take a moment to answer these questions: How often do you think about marriage? Whenever you do, what thoughts fill your mind? What is sponsoring the thoughts in your mind? Why do you feel that way? What did you grow up seeing in your parent’s marriage? What did you hear?

Based on your negative perception of marriage, has it ever crossed your mind that bad news spreads faster? Is it possible that you haven’t just seen or heard of good marriages, even though they exist?

Going forward, you have to work on how you think about marriages by starting with the notion that marriages are great.

Pause and affirm this statement: I would form a part of the statistics of couples whose marriages work, and I will play my part to make it work.

You’ve got to be intentional about changing your belief system. It’s the only way you’ll be able to see marriage from a different lens.

But then, your newfound internal environment can only work if your external environment is fixed. The external environment speaks to the people around you, the pages you follow on social media, and all other avenues of wrong exposure.

If you follow bloggers and pages that constantly focus on the ills of marriage, now might be a good time to hit that unfollow button. If you have people in your life who keep dishing out negativity about marriage, you probably may want to excuse yourself from them.

Having spotted the toxic cracks, shift your attention towards reading positive materials and tuning into interviews with people who’ve navigated marriage successfully and gained lessons from it. Remember, whatever you feed your mind with tends to expand.

2. Feed on positive knowledge on how to build marriages.

The law of attraction plays a crucial role in relationships. You will naturally attract those who align with who you are on the inside and the things you seek. So, why not begin to read books, magazines, videos, and different interviews that promote the beauty of marriage?

Even when you encounter discouraging stories, take them from a place of: what did this person not do well, and what can do better? For example, if you come across a video about domestic violence, use it as an opportunity to educate yourself on identifying someone who is a potential wife-beater.

Similarly, if you see marriages falling apart due to infidelity, then you want to look out for how you can contribute to a healthy, faithful marriage or how to identify a partner who would not cheat on you.

You also need to consider your partner’s mindset while dating. Check whether they view sex as a source of pleasure alone or a sacred bond.

By reading books, preparing yourselves, and being the best partner you can be, you boost your ability to make wise choices in selecting a life partner.

You can attract different people but who you choose is a function of what you think about the person, marriage, and every other aspect of your decision-making process. Your mindset shapes your reality.

3. Look out for models that work.

Have you heard of any successful marriages? If you have, intentionally seek for these couples.

If you’re a Christian, ask the Lord to open your eyes to a couple with a strong and healthy marriage.

Spend some time with them, ask them questions, and learn from their experiences. Watch them, and even if you connect with these couples virtually or physically, do well to follow them to gain insights into what contributes to their successful marriage.

4. Have Faith

Have faith in the fact that your marriage would work. This is because your thoughts and confessions can become prayers and manifestations.

So, have a strong belief that you’ll have a great marriage.

5. Be mindful about your choice of a partner.

You want to look out for their values and their background. Have they healed from trauma? Do they have good models? Which beliefs do they have? Which mindsets do they have?

Are they open to knowledge, and accountability? What are their perceptions about love? Is it submission, respect, or commitment?

Ask questions and discern beyond the information you have gathered so that you do not ignore the most important things.

If you can do these things consistently, you’ll see yourself getting better at how to approach marriage.

Remember, fear cripples you rather than helps you. It is what you do with the fear that matters.

If you need to read my book ‘Uncovering Red Flags’ to help you identify time wasters and red flags, get it here https://selar.co/redflagsebook