Suicide! What if I don’t succeed?

Tears rolled down her cheeks, she doubled over holding on to her chest and struggling to catch her breath. She had a puzzled blank stare, while she recounted her regular ordeal and almost nightly ritual. Stuttering, she asked, “Will this ever stop? When will I ever be normal? I don’t know what else to do Chioma, I am tired! I am constantly thinking of a thousand ways to die”. Still crying, she continued, “there’s just one thing that keeps me going.” Concerned; I asked her what it was and she said, “what if I don’t succeed?”

Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation means thinking about or planning suicide. Thoughts can range from a detailed plan to a fleeting consideration. It does not include the final act of suicide.

Suicidal ideation can occur when a person feels they are no longer able to cope with an overwhelming situation. The most common situations or life events that might cause suicidal thoughts are history of a mental illness, history of substance abuse, grief, sexual abuse, financial problems, remorse, rejection, a relationship breakup, unemployment, etc

Last Tuesday, September 10th was World Suicide Prevention Day. I took out some time to reminisce on those who society would say were seemingly “normal” and had things going well for them, but chose to commit suicide. I pondered and questioned their reasons but I couldn’t find answers; didn’t they think of their loved ones? Was their decision selfish? Were they cowards who couldn’t endure life stressors? Could it be that they wanted to end their pain, the silent tears, the long suffering, feelings of depression, altered personalities, maybe they couldn’t explain how in the midst of a seemingly great life they just couldn’t find happiness.

Society thinks the idea of suicide is irrational. However, for someone suffering from mental illness or having suicidal ideation, the thought of suicide can in a way be rational. This is where seeking proper help is very important and available. Survey shows that Nigeria is the 30th most suicide-prone country in the world. This figure highlights the prevalence of suicide in our society and how close to home it can be for many of us. I urge Nigerians to begin to have discussions centered around this topic. Talking about suicide and mental illness should not be a taboo or a no-no in our society.

For anyone out there thinking of going this route, always remember to be a semicolon and not a full stop, tomorrow needs you, we need you and you are not alone. If you ever need help or know someone who does, kindly call our distress line at Olamma Cares Foundation 07063183892 or send an email to[email protected]