It is not uncommon to feel like a failure if you do not conceive quickly, but even if pregnancy takes longer than you expected there should be no blame attached to it. Infertility can be caused by male or female factors and is a treatable medical condition like any other. It’s best to try not to get anxious about sex and fertility too soon because most couples usually conceive within a year of trying.
Do not forget that you and your partner were a couple first, so try to spend time together doing other things that are important to you both. This may even help you put things into perspective and remind you why you wanted to start a family in the first place.
Having regular, unprotected sex will give you the best chance of getting pregnant but knowing when you are most fertile also helps. You are most likely to get pregnant if you have sex in the days around your ovulation (when an egg is released from the ovary), with the day before and day after being the most fertile.
An egg lives for about 12-24 hours after being released. This egg must be fertilized by a sperm during this time for you to get pregnant.
Sperm can live for around five days inside your body, so if you’ve had sex in the few days before ovulation, the sperm can ‘wait’ for the egg to be released. This is your fertile window.
Having sex during your fertile window means you are more likely to get pregnant and there are a number of days in the month when you are more fertile, which increases your chances of pregnancy.
Having regular, unprotected sex (every 2 to 3 days without contraception) will give you the best chance of success.
It is a fact that in 8 out of 10 couples where the woman is under 40 years old, they will get pregnant within one year if they have regular, unprotected sex. More than 9 out of 10 couples will get pregnant within two years.
If you find that regular sex is too stressful or if you are unable to do it for other reasons, working out the time you are most likely to be fertile in the month makes sense. This is referred to as your “fertile window” and there are various ways that you can work out when it happens for you.
The idea is for you to have sex for fun as well as for baby-making and if all the sex is proving too much, try to work out the few days around your ovulation to reduce the amount of sex you have on days you are very unlikely to get pregnant.
You may be concerned about the best position to have sex in order to achieve pregnancy. If you are worried about sex position, you need to relax.
The frequency of the sex as well as the quality of the sex are important, however, it doesn’t really matter what position you have sex in when you’re trying to get pregnant.
As long as ejaculation occurs inside the vagina, sperm can travel through the cervix and womb to the fallopian tubes where it can fertilize the egg.
What you should know in addition is that sexual positions that allow for deep penetration are likely to be the best for you to achieve conception. This is because such positions allow the sperm to be deposited as close to the cervix as possible.
Quite often, the so-called missionary position (lying down, woman underneath the man, face to face) is recommended for this reason.
There have been questions as to whether the woman should not get up immediately after intercourse. It is also a common worry whether after you’ve had sex you might need to place a pillow under your hips to tilt your pelvis and help the sperm to travel into your cervix.
Specifically, there is no science or research that proves or disproves either of these suggestions. It is completely up to you to decide to try these ideas out or not to.
Without doubt, trying for a baby can be stressful, especially if it’s taking longer than expected. Whether it’s the pressure to perform the act, or the feeling like you’re having sex on a schedule or anxiety around infertility, your sex life can end up causing stress when it is centered only on having babies.
Expectedly this can put strain on your relationship with your partner and lower your sex drive, so you may end up having less sex instead of more.
It’s quite normal for sex to start feeling mechanical when you’re trying for a baby and not succeeding immediately. If you’re experiencing this, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship. But you can have stress-free sex.
You may not always prevent stress, but there are things you can do to manage stress better. For instance, spending time focusing on each other and your relationship, rather than worrying about conceiving, can help.
You can put the joy back into trying to make a baby by rekindling romance such as having a candle-lit dinner at home, and spending quality relaxing moments together.
Understanding your menstrual cycle is key.
Getting to know your menstrual cycle can help you understand when you’re most likely to get pregnant every month.
If you have very irregular periods, will it take you longer to conceive? You need to know. Many women have irregular periods and still conceive. Getting pregnant may take a little longer though as they may not ovulate as much as women with regular periods.
For the best chance of getting pregnant, you need to get your fertile eggs and your partner’s sperm together as often as possible.
Each woman’s menstrual cycle is different, so getting to know your body better can improve your chances of conception. Once you have worked out your cycle, you can take time off work around the next time you may be ovulating. A break may help you relax and you may find sex enjoyable again.
If you’ve been having regular, unprotected sex (every 2 to 3 days per week) for a year and you’re not pregnant yet, it doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant but it’s a good idea to go and see your doctor.
Make an appointment sooner if you are over 35 or you have a known fertility issue, such endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or premature ovarian insufficiency.
You should also talk to your doctor if you have irregular or no periods, or your partner has a known fertility issue, such as low sperm count or any other medical problem that may be stopping you getting pregnant.
Your lifestyle, general health and medical history are important and there are a number of things you can do to improve your chances of getting pregnant and how your partner can improve fertility.
Abayomi Ajayi
MD/CEO Nordica Fertility
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