• Thursday, July 25, 2024
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BusinessDay

Released from modified house arrest: My experiences & lessons

I have been ‘out of stock’ for the past few weeks and I want to inform all and sundry that sadly, I was placed on Modified House Arrest (MHA). I also want to unequivocally and emphatically state that Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, IPOB and ESN were responsible for 99% my recent travails. The UGM, other unknown elements and some miserable witches and wizards from my village were responsible for remaining 1%. I am therefore calling on Malami, PMBs Attorney General, to hurriedly amend the charges against Nnamdi Kanu to accommodate this latest crime. I am also calling on the great Lai (whose nose has been bloodied over the Lekki Massacre affair) to call a world press-conference in Washington, to announce the new charges. I am awaiting some dollarized whistle-blowing allowances as par the extant policy.

So, which one be MHA (it looks and sounds like a Federal Government honour)? You recall that in 1993, Professor Humphry Nwosu introduced the Modified Open Ballot System (MOBS, aka, Option A4)), which slightly deviated from original open ballot model. Similar to MOBS, MHA is a house arrest in which the victim voluntarily submitted himself or allowed himself to be so arrested. You can trust that I have sought legal advice. I had wanted to brief Festus Keyamo but he is now ‘one of them’ with specialisation in the art and science of weaponising poverty and unemployment, as in the current 774,000 scheme or scam. In any case I am not in a mood for theatricals and as such, I settled for Olisa Agbakoba so that among others, when the bill gets as high as the contentious Ikoyi Building, I will whisper to him: nwanne…easy. Now to the main story.

Read Also: Nnamdi Kanu’s arrest: Party like it’s 2009!

On Friday, 5/11/21, I was in the office fully and functionally and thereafter, I drove myself to Lagos. I worked on my car on Saturday and attended 6.30 am Mass on Sunday at Our Lady Seat of Wisdom, Okota, where I performed fully as a ‘Church-worker’. That Sunday, the weakness, which I started feeling on Saturday accentuated to the extent that I could not attend some scheduled social functions. I felt like running some tests but my Lab Scientists no longer worked on Sundays. I was indoors throughout and decided to go straight to OOU Clinic on Monday morning. Around 9.30pm, I doubted if I had the strength to drive down to school and luckily, Paul, my brother and a professional driver offered to take me down to school and return to Lagos thereafter.

You see, because of the Ghost Town Strategy in the East, he was idle that Monday. We drove straight to the Clinic and the doctor prescribed a series of tests. The lab people informed that the results would be ready at around noon but they conducted one test, the result of which came out instantly. I suggested that I should wait for the whole results before seeing the doctor but he said: ‘just show her this one first’. When the doctor saw the outcome of the test, the tempo and body language changed and the atmosphere became frenetic. The doctor referred me to OOU Teaching Hospital and asked them to get the Ambulance ready.

Ambulance? Somebody who worked throughout Friday, drove down to Lagos on his own, performed my duties as a church warden on Sunday and came to school on Monday with 1001 seminars, projects, results and other students’ matters on my mind. How did I suddenly become an invalid and a candidate for the ambulance? Na so this world be? Jesus Wept! However, I escaped the ambulance angle of the story because, thanks be to God, my emergency driver, had not yet gone back to Lagos as we originally planned. It was from house to school to clinic to medical detention within 6 hours! ( To be continued)