How to discern if your leader is manipulative (2)

Manipulation in the workplace can be a slippery, silent challenge. While obvious manipulation is easier to confront, more subtle tactics are often disguised as support, leaving employees feeling uncertain or undermined. Recognising these behaviours can help you protect your professional autonomy, confidence, and well-being. Here, we explore additional nuanced tactics manipulative leaders use and provide actionable ways to maintain control over your professional journey.

Have you experienced a leader who selectively withholds information, leaving you scrambling to meet expectations while relying solely on their guidance? This is known as “creating dependency.” This subtle manipulation keeps you feeling uncertain and reliant on their approval. By recognising these hidden tactics, you can better safeguard your mental clarity and workplace autonomy.

What are the other manipulative tactics to watch out for?

1. Subtle Sabotage: This involves a leader who “forgets” to share updates or withholds details, setting you up for failure. If you are left out of important updates or misinformed about a project, your work may suffer as a result. Manipulative leaders use these “errors” to subtly undermine your credibility or reinforce their control. This tactic creates a dependency, where you’re forced to rely on them for “accurate” guidance.
2. Passive-aggressive behaviour: Manipulative leaders may avoid direct criticism, opting for sarcasm or subtle discontent to communicate displeasure. They may agree to your ideas in meetings, only to undermine them later with non-verbal cues or veiled comments. This behaviour causes you to second-guess yourself, making you constantly seek clarity and validation. This ambiguity serves as a control mechanism, forcing you to work harder for approval that never fully materialises.
3. Selective sharing of success: Here, a manipulative leader publicly highlights their achievements while minimising team contributions. By controlling the narrative around success, they keep credit for themselves while creating an environment where recognition is scarce. This fosters competition and reduces cohesion within the team, as members are subtly pitted against each other in pursuit of acknowledgement.
4. Nominal inclusivity and gatekeeping: Manipulators may include you in select projects or decision-making processes just enough to create an illusion of trust and collaboration. You feel valued by being included, yet full authority or advancement remains out of reach. This selective involvement keeps you feeling important without providing the real autonomy or recognition you deserve, subtly reinforcing reliance on their approval.
5. Probing for weaknesses under the guise of curiosity: Through seemingly innocent questions, manipulative leaders may gather personal or professional insecurities. They might ask about goals, frustrations, or stressors under the pretence of friendly curiosity. Later, this information may be used strategically to influence your choices or exploit vulnerabilities, often by fostering self-doubt or fear. What seems like genuine interest is a tactic to identify weaknesses that can be leveraged later.
6. Leveraging silence and strategic delays: Manipulative leaders may create anxiety by selectively withholding responses or feedback. By delaying communication, they force you to second-guess your decisions or rush to accommodate their eventual responses. This tactic shifts the power dynamic, leaving you dependent on their timing and approval. The resulting uncertainty fosters a reliance on their cues, rather than trusting your judgement.
7. False humility and self-doubt: Manipulative leaders may act as though they are less capable or in need of your expertise to engage your empathy and resources. Appealing to your sense of support, they feign needing help or advice, only to later proceed independently without acknowledging your contributions. This tactic subtly drains your time and energy while devaluing your efforts, causing you to question the importance of your role.

Read also: How to discern if your leader is manipulative

What are the practical ways you can protect yourself?

Recognising manipulation is only part of the solution. The next step is to develop strategies that empower you to maintain professional and emotional resilience in these challenging situations.

1. Establish firm boundaries in communication: Set clear boundaries around how and when you respond to requests. For instance, avoid responding immediately to emails or messages that appear manipulative or controlling. By controlling your availability, you reinforce your independence and maintain professional autonomy.
2. Cultivate external support systems: Building a network of trusted colleagues, mentors, or advisors outside the influence of the manipulator can provide an invaluable perspective. Their objective feedback can clarify whether you’re facing manipulative tactics and give you the strength to resist undue pressure. Knowing that you have external support provides a buffer against the need for the manipulator’s approval.
3. Document key interactions: For leaders who engage in selective recognition or sporadic transparency, documenting your contributions, decisions, and communications creates a factual record. Not only does this provide clarity, but it also acts as a safeguard against future manipulation, helping you recall your achievements and interactions without relying on their selective memory.
4. Stay grounded in your values: Manipulative tactics often play on personal values and beliefs. By maintaining a strong connection to your core values and professional goals, you are less likely to be swayed by mirroring tactics that don’t truly align with your beliefs. Trusting your values helps you see through false alignments and reinforces the decisions that best serve your integrity.
5. Seek professional guidance if necessary: Manipulative dynamics can take a toll on mental health and career growth. If the situation escalates or becomes emotionally taxing, consulting a therapist or workplace advisor can provide insights and strategies for managing complex interactions. Professional guidance offers an outside perspective that can help you assess and respond effectively.

In conclusion, subtle manipulation tactics in leadership can be challenging to detect, yet their impact on your confidence, autonomy, and career trajectory is real. Developing discernment in these situations empowers you to navigate workplace relationships without compromising your well-being. Recognising these tactics and employing strategies to guard your emotional space, observe patterns, and seek external support enables you to build a resilient, fulfilling career.

By protecting your emotional boundaries and cultivating awareness, you not only safeguard your professional journey but also nurture a work environment where integrity and mutual respect thrive. Staying grounded, setting boundaries, and building supportive networks equip you to meet even the most complex manipulative behaviours with clarity and resilience.

Dr Toye Sobande is a strategic leadership expert, lawyer, public speaker, and trainer. He is the CEO of Stephens Leadership Consultancy LLC, a strategy and management consulting firm offering creative insight and solutions to businesses and leaders. Email: [email protected]