“In fact, understanding the professional reality of these relationships is critical to creating a healthy work environment, one that respects boundaries, prevents burnout, and fosters genuine productivity.”
Loyalty in the workplace can feel like a badge of honour, until the day an employee walks out the door. It doesn’t matter how many team-building exercises you have conducted, how many “we are like family here” speeches you have delivered, or how many birthdays you have celebrated together. When push comes to shove, employees trade their time, skills, and energy for compensation, not kinship. And while this may sound uncomfortable, it is a reality leaders must confront to manage their teams effectively. Your company is not a family, and trying to make it one can do more harm than good.
As leaders, we must confront a fundamental truth: work relationships, no matter how friendly or collaborative, are transactional at their core. And this isn’t a negative statement. In fact, understanding the professional reality of these relationships is critical to creating a healthy work environment, one that respects boundaries, prevents burnout, and fosters genuine productivity.
At its foundation, the employer-employee relationship is a transaction. Employees bring their expertise, time, and energy to the table, and in return, they receive financial compensation, benefits, and professional growth opportunities. This relationship is outlined in the employment contract, a formal acknowledgement of this exchange. It is not about emotions or familial bonds; it is about clear expectations and the value of each party’s contributions.
Read also: Dear leader, your company is not your family
While we often like to speak about “going above and beyond” or “being like family,” this rhetoric can sometimes blur the lines of the true nature of work. The truth is, these exchanges are governed by expectations, and the relationship ends when one party no longer finds value in the arrangement, be it the employee or the organisation. Understanding this dynamic doesn’t diminish the importance of trust, respect, or loyalty; rather, it grounds our relationships in reality.
The notion of boundaries may sound like a buzzword in today’s work culture, but it’s one of the most critical elements of maintaining a healthy workplace. When companies push the “family” narrative too hard, employees can feel an unspoken pressure to sacrifice their personal time, mental health, and well-being for the good of the company. They begin to internalise the idea that their loyalty must be absolute, because after all, “family comes first.”
But this mindset is dangerous. It is what leads to burnout, resentment, and ultimately disengagement. Employees are not your children; they do not owe you unwavering loyalty. They are professionals who deserve clear expectations about their roles, responsibilities, and the time they are expected to commit.
Boundaries are essential in any professional relationship because they provide structure and clarity. Leaders should encourage their teams to establish and respect personal boundaries, whether that means unplugging after work hours, taking time off without guilt, or ensuring that weekend emails are not the norm. By doing so, leaders create an environment where employees can give their best without sacrificing their personal lives.
So, how can leaders cultivate strong, professional relationships without relying on the “we are family” rhetoric? It begins with acknowledging the reality of the professional relationship. Rather than trying to create a faux-family dynamic, leaders should focus on fostering a culture of mutual respect, clear communication, and professional development.
First, set expectations clearly. From day one, employees should understand the scope of their responsibilities, the boundaries of their workday, and what success looks like in their role. This transparency prevents misunderstandings and overcommitment, allowing employees to feel secure in their positions without the need for emotional manipulation.
Second, foster a culture of respect and support without invoking the obligations tied to familial relationships. As a leader, you can build rapport and trust by actively listening to your team, recognising their contributions, and supporting their development. But it is essential to resist the urge to create a sense of emotional obligation that might be common in families. Instead, focus on professional growth and collective achievement, where everyone is aligned toward common goals but retains their individuality and personal priorities.
Third, encourage work-life balance. This is not just a trend or a buzzword; it is a critical aspect of sustainable productivity. Leaders should actively promote the idea that employees’ time outside of work is their own, without guilt or expectation to “stay late” or “be available” at all times. By reinforcing this boundary, you allow your team to flourish both personally and professionally, which benefits the organisation in the long run.
Finally, compensation should reflect the transactional nature of work. Loyalty cannot be bought with pizza parties or kind words. Employees trade their expertise for monetary compensation; recognising this will help avoid the pitfalls of vague promises of loyalty or belonging. A well-compensated and respected employee will feel valued, not because they are “part of the family,” but because they are recognised as professionals contributing to the success of the business.
In the end, work relationships are inherently transactional, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable. Leaders who understand the professional reality of these relationships can create a healthier, more productive work environment. By respecting boundaries, fostering professional relationships, and encouraging work-life balance, you allow employees to thrive without the emotional strain that can come from blurring the lines between work and family.
The next time you feel compelled to describe your team as family, take a step back and consider the implications. Your company is not your family; it is a place of professionalism, growth, and mutual benefit. Recognising and respecting the transactional nature of these relationships can ultimately lead to a more engaged, loyal, and productive team.
After all, it’s not about creating a familial bond; it is about building a strong, respectful, and professional community where everyone can succeed.
About the author:
Dr Toye Sobande is a strategic leadership expert, lawyer, public speaker, and trainer. He is the CEO of Stephens Leadership Consultancy LLC, a strategy and management consulting firm offering creative insight and solutions to businesses and leaders. Email: [email protected]
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