It’s my birthday today. I should be celebrating, I should be happy but I am not. On the contrary, I am full of regrets. Regrets about things I could have done should have done or would have done.
I lived to please my father. I was his first daughter, his Ada. The apple of his eyes. My siblings, Tony and Chinwe were from another planet. Their constant aim was to make our father sad. They put him through a lot of stress and it broke my heart to see him go through so much emotional and psychological pain because of them. They were stubborn but I was his pride and joy, the only child that did his bidding.
Our mother died while having her fourth child. It was a stillbirth. So Dad has to play the role of both parents. He refused to marry another woman but rather focused on taking care of his young children, for this, I respected and adored him.
He did a good job playing the role of mom and dad and I felt that the least my siblings and I could do was to make him happy.
Dad was a very strict parent. His word was law. When he asks you to jump, you don’t ask him why. you’re only expected to ask how high. He was also a very tribalistic person. He had a problem with people from every other tribe except his and he kicked against us having close relationships with people from other tribes. Tony and Chinwe never followed this rule.
As a young girl, I thought our dad had good reasons for being the way he was. I believed he was wise and his perspective about everything was perfect. He could never go wrong and he was probably trying to save us from harm.
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Chinwe’s first boyfriend was Timileyin (a Yoruba guy). Her boldness was unrivalled. She had guts. She damned every consequence and invited him to the house. Short of walking him out, Dad was very hostile to him. The guy never came back. Chinwe was infuriated.
Years later, Chinwe came home with Efe, she was going to get married to him whether liked him or not. Dad refused to give his blessings to their relationship but my sister stood her ground. She went ahead and got married to the man she loved..after all his family loved her. Dad disowned her but she couldn’t care less about what he did or said. I must add here that I visited Chinwe and her family from time to time and I must confess that I envied her. She had a husband who was crazy about her and fantastic in-laws who adored her.
Let me tell you about Tony. So, Tony went to Germany for an Automobile exhibition because of his love for fast cars and he returned to Nigeria with a white girlfriend. Dad almost lost it. He swore to disown him as he did Chinwe. My brother just stood and watched in disbelief as Dad made a spectacle of himself in front of a total stranger His actions were beyond embarrassing.
Tony left the house with Adele and never returned. We never really heard from him except for a few phone calls and text messages every now and then. Two years later, I received wedding pictures in my email… Tony and Adele were married and they now lived in Canada.
Need I say that while all of this was happening for my siblings, my life seemed stalled. I was at a standstill in the relationship department. Yes, I had suitors coming from every tribe and cline but they were not Daddy’s. I didn’t think this was a problem as long as Daddy was happy.
Right now, my heart is broken because I have realized that my father was a two-faced liar. He lives a double life, keeps double standards and lacks integrity. He turned out to be everything he preached against. My dad was a deceptive and manipulating human being.
I wish I had towed the same path as my bold and fearless siblings.
So, Dad suffered a cardiac arrest a few months ago. He went into coma and never came out of it.
You will not believe the shock on my face when a strange woman showed up at his funeral with her daughters whom she claimed were Dad’s. We couldn’t argue with her because we could see clearly that these girls looked like us. I was still trying to recover from the shock when she said her name… Shola!! Wait ..what?
Some family members refuted the woman’s claims and insisted on carrying out a DNA. The results came out just as I expected. The girls were Ifeanyi Chekwa’s daughters…
I was devastated.
All my life I believed my father. I believe his lies now see where that got me.
I am too angry and overwhelmed to think. I can’t even begin to explain how I feel. Here I am, at the age of 45. Celebrating my birthday with my siblings and their children. I wish I had done things differently. I look back to the past and I admire my younger ones for being brave. I thought they were stubborn but now I know better. They were smart and bold.
My heart is broken and I hope that my father isn’t resting in peace.
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