• Monday, June 17, 2024
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On becoming a wasp

On becoming a wasp

I had recently had a baby many years ago and I was working hard on dissolving my baby bump. It was difficult to get into my old clothes. Some of these clothes I had spent handsomely to have made and the fabrics I had gotten from far-flung places. Irreplaceable clothes. So I was desperately trying to fit back into them. So I tried everything and they were not working. I had reached my wit’s end.

Although my mum had told me at the time that I was going to shed it but should not be in a hurry, I really did not believe her. Two months and I wanted to snap back to my old size 12. But it did snap back but only after a year. First I got back to size 14 after 6 months and slowly back to 12 and a half at the end of one year. But I tried hard to go back to normal.

All the exercises came to nought. My friends then suggested that I tried a body which is what body shapers were called back then. So I went into a boutique and purchased a black one. Then the torture began. When I wore it, it literally squeezed the life out of me. I walked around like a robot, was afraid to sit down and felt like I was losing my lungs; no air and often times unable to breathe properly.

Mind you the body did the job, but I had the most insane headaches and the most uncomfortable feeling. I felt trapped and sometimes my friends said laughing about, they thought my eyes were slanted from the pain, discomfort and pressure. Everywhere was tight around me and when I ate I was sure I was going to burst. So by day three, the body was gone. I felt a breath of fresh air, I sat down with ease and was now able to eat better.

Who knows if the wasp is the new reincarnation of the human form and the rest of us are just lesser beings

It was such freedom and I never went back there for the rest of my childbearing years. I allowed the natural weight loss after the baby to come. Today we have waist cinchers for women trying to get a great figure. Cinchers are fiercer and more deadly than the bodies and literally squeeze the life out of the wearer.

So in the past, I think the manufacturers of bodies in the past were gentler but today those who manufacture the waist cinchers understand the urgency of the women of today who need to be wasp-like at all costs. And talking about wasps, those insects have the most amazing figures ever. The tiniest of waists and a large derriere.

Read also: Body parts, Tiwa Savage and the modern-day wasp

This, my countrymen and women is what a lot of women young and old are attempting to look like across board. Here in Nigeria, actresses, businesswomen, professionals are all busy aspiring to be wasps and go to any length to achieve this bizarre figure. Beyond waist cinchers, plastic surgeons are helping these women look like the proverbial barbie dolls. And this takes us to the blossom and the derriere.

You just need some good money and the plastic surgeons would help achieve this posterior as large as you want it and your blossom count can go as high as you want while the waist is now tightly knotted to achieve thrice what the waist cinchers can achieve and five times what the bodies in our time could achieve. So these days an actress you knew even in a movie who was less endowed in some places suddenly blossoms and balloons into a cartoon-like wasp.

A musician who you knew performed her waist dance with a few balloon-like bottoms is suddenly wider and massively endowed in those places. My friends who are plastic surgeons tell me the procedure for the backside is interesting and the healing process is ongoing and arduous and needs a whole month sitting in a padded chair with a hole in it for the patient to sit in. I have also been told of infections that nearly cost the patient their entire derriere.

So I know about choices. So who knows if the wasp is the new reincarnation of the human form and the rest of us are just lesser beings. I am just happy the way I am. Maybe I am just naive and fairly illiterate. All hail the wasp!!