What a question that requires deep thinking! Some marriages started off with the wrong foundation that was based on lies and pretence.
So imagine meeting a man who knows that he is infertile but chooses to conceal the truth with the aim of settling down with this beautiful woman he has met and then find a way to put the blame on her?
In some climes, men do not even go for checkups, so it is easier to blame the woman for infertility. Women suffer a lot for fertility issues, even when the man may be responsible for it.
Imagine the shame, reproach and anxiety that a woman goes through when she discovers that she cannot have a child of her own because her husband is unable to impregnate her?
If he has done this under deceit and refused to be open about it, she has the right to expand the issues. I know it is easier to just assume that a woman should pray about it and forgive him but what would have happened if the reverse was the case? Would he forgive her? Wouldn’t he call on the family members to sort the issues leading to more shame for her?
So many other issues can be the cause of a deceitful foundation like lying about income, tribe, age, marital status or employment status. Some are minor while some are major deal breakers for people. Some people deceive their spouses because of selfish reasons or being insecure about their weaknesses.
When this happens, here are a few things you can do:
1. Identify what the problem is and talk about it honestly: I know that you have the right to be angry. Take your time to deal with the consequences of this reality. but it’s also important to address the issue from its foundations. Why has your partner lied? What is the remedy? How responsible are they for it?
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2. Agree on a solution: It is important to agree on what works in the midst of your misunderstandings. Your spouse should be willing to create a solution that works or something that can rectify the issue.
3. Your partner must be remorseful and responsible: This is one sign that can help you handle it better. Because you have the right to walk away if your spouse is arrogant about their actions. That’s a red flag that shows that things can get worse.
Speak to a professional about it: If you’re dealing with a medical issue, you can talk to a doctor about possible complications and treatment. If you’re dealing with a tribal, age or money issue, you may need to talk to a coach in that area to help you both navigate through it.
5. All of this advice would only work if you’re willing to forgive and move on. Some deceitful acts are repairable while some are not. Depending on the circumstance around your issue, decide on how you intend to deal with it. Pray about it as you seek counsel to know God’s mind on the issue. Some issues are easier to deal with it when you look to godly counsel around redemption and restoration. Pursue healing and be willing to express yourself.
What if you’re the one who was deceitful? Then do all of these with your partner and be truly remorseful about your situation. Give your partner the time to grieve and become mentally and emotionally stable without any pressure.
If you need to seek the intervention of an elderly person, you can do that. I do pray that your marriage experiences the healing it deserves. If you need further assistance, you can speak to me via [email protected]
