The sorrow of losing parents, especially a mother, is to the extreme and an emotionally severe one. Like Susan Wiggs said in one of her poems, “There is something about your mother that is permanent and inexpressible – a wound that will never quite heal.”
My mother, a loving and wonderful mother, an epitome of motherhood in its climax, was born on the 25th of August 1936 and died on the 31st of August, 1995. The most reliable, responsible and dependable being in my life. She died exactly 26 years ago on this day.
The day had begun with the usual rituals of the early morning prayers, always led by her since father was not around. After the prayers, as a staff of the now defunct NITEL with her office at the Odunlami street of Lagos Island, she had immediately left for work at around 11:40 a.m. after a school run. Being the last child of a large family, I saw her off with the hope of asking for some money to enable me to host some friends. But I just couldn’t summon the courage to request for the money because she had spent so much for my birthday celebration earlier in the month and had equally celebrated her own birthday just six days before.
I watched as she departed for work and stood still as she left the house unknowingly to me albeit her last day, and never to return. A feeling of premonition and despondency enveloped me immediately afterwards.
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As the first child from the rear, I was the last to see her alive. The time was 12:50 p.m. and my immediate elder sister Idowu, fondly called ID, rushed in from the street screaming “Tola, Tola mummy tiku,” translated as “Tola, Tola Mummy is dead!” Strangely because of friends around in the house, I manned up and told her to calm down and to explain what she was trying to say. A man and two other women were with her and had apparently approached her with my mother’s handbag on the street, her NITEL staff ID card and her eyeglasses which she all identified. They confirmed it by saying my mother had been involved in a ghastly motor accident on the ascension flyover bridge of Jibowu from Ikorodu road enroute Western Avenue and which claimed 5 other lives. I saw my mother’s corpse as reported by the NTA that evening in their news update and felt deflated. So empty, naked and cold was the feeling.
The day remains a very dark day in my life. Still pretty unbelievable that she left this world in such a manner. I couldn’t have imagined it to her, because she was healthy, hale and hearty. A devoted Christian woman with the fear of God in all her dealings. A very accommodating mother in Israel.
Until her death, she was an obedient wife, mother and grandmother. At her interment on the 23rd of September, 1995, I saw my father not crying but sobbing like a baby, just like every other person expectedly sorrowful. His manly strength was in its weakness that day and it was then that I too broke down. Reality dawned and I wept profusely.
Fondly called “Iya Econs” because of her high level of prudency and parsimonious financial responsibilities. She was such a good manager of resources, not one to encourage wastages both in finances and materials things. She was very accountable which made her the Treasurer of Christ Church, Ijebu. She was also the first woman People’s Warden of the Church, a feat she earned.
As her son and her last child, I feel like I really didn’t know this most incredible role model enough. Going by testimonies from her former colleagues, church members, extended family members, friends and admirers she was exceptional, distinguished and beautiful on all fronts. A serial entrepreneur, she mastered the art of commerce and believed in it. As a daughter of a fish merchant in the riverine area of Epe in Lagos State, she caught her skills in buying and selling which made her a good and skillful entrepreneur. As long as it is legitimate, she will do it to make money. She traded in Gold, lands, garri, imported shoes and bags, clothings etc. Name it, she would do it, key word being legally permissible. Her business acumen was top notch.
Exactly 26 years today since she died, her enduring legacy of uprightness, love-to-all, peace, mutual understanding, motherly care, affection and an all-embracing fellowship still continue to oil the relief of the pains in our hearts. Those great virtues which she demonstrated when she was around lingers on. After all, to live in the hearts of those you love is not to die.
Dear mother, the years have been long and things are still not the same without you. Your death left a deep void in our hearts. But the memory of your tenderness and loving ways still get me especially through my lonely days. Time flies very fast but the memory of our mother can never be forgotten or erased from our hearts. It is still saddening the manner you died, but you gave the best memory to your mother. Your memory lives on.
Rest on Iya Ibeji. Rest on Iya Tola
Ogunnubi, FILRMN, ANIPR. Deputy Head, Corporate Affairs, Nigerian Agricultural Insurance Corporation, (NAIC) Abuja.
