• Wednesday, April 17, 2024
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BusinessDay

How to avoid a wrong choice for marriage

The evolution of marriage proposal planning in Nigeria

In the early 2000’s, there was a woman named Linda. She was a smart, independent, and jovial individual, but she longed for a partner to share her life with. She had been through a few failed relationships, and her friends often warned her about ignoring red flags.

One day, she met a young handsome man named John. He was attractive, cool, witty, and seemed like the perfect match. They quickly fell in love, and Linda overlooked some subtle warning signs. She ignored how he often belittled her interests and dismissed her feelings. She rationalized his occasional bursts of anger as stress from work and believed his apologies.

As time went by, Linda and John decided to get married, but the red flags she had previously ignored became more prominent. He started isolating her from friends and family, and his anger escalated to verbal and emotional abuse. She found herself trapped in a toxic marriage.

So, what could have helped her and other singles like her avoid such a situation?

Here are some tips to help you make better choices:

· Look out for values: Does this person share similar values with you? Is he living based on similar principles with you? Are you both in agreement?

· Listen to your intuition: If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust your gut feelings. Listen to your inner voice. The unease you feel is a symptom of a bigger issue.

· Communicate openly: Ensure you have honest and open communication with your partner. Discuss your values, goals, and expectations for the relationship. Discuss your concern about their behaviors and look out for only consistent new patterns.

· Check behavioural patterns: Observe how your partner treats you and others. Actions speak louder than words. If they consistently disrespect, belittle, or isolate you, it’s a red flag.

· Enquire from family and friends: Your loved ones often see things you might miss. Don’t dismiss their concerns. Ask questions about what they know or think about your partner.

· Take your time: Rushing into a relationship can blind you to potential issues. Give the relationship time to develop naturally. Don’t let the phrase “I want to marry you” put you under pressure.

· Become self-aware: What do you want? What kind of marriage do you want to build? Understand your own needs and boundaries. This will help you recognize when someone is not respecting them.

· Seek professional help if needed: If you’re unsure or dealing with complex emotions, don’t hesitate to seek advice from a therapist or counsellor.

In the end, Linda’s story serves as a cautionary tale about ignoring red flags in a relationship.

For more insights on red flags to look out for, get my book, Uncovering Red Flags here: https://selar.co/redflagsebook