Marriage is for everyone that is matured, responsible, regardless of their experience – Ukporhe

Austin Ukporhe, the point man (resident pastor) Remnant Christian Network (RCN), Lagos chapter, speaks on his latest book titled; ‘The Field of Boaz’. According to Ukporhe, the book which was written in 13 chapters and 177 pages, and reviewed by Obafemi George, edited by Bridget Jangfa, with foreword by Arome Osayi, ‘The Set man’ of RCN, is targeted at helping people fix their broken pieces back together. He also spoke about how the breakdown in family values is contributing to the worsening socioeconomic challenges currently being experienced by Nigerians, and how the new publication offers respite for people who are going through some traumatic experiences, or have been traumatised by experiences and feel that marriage is no longer for them. Excerpts by JOHN SALAU:

In Nigeria, the rate of failure in marriage has been very high; as a reverend, and with the book you have written, what do you think is responsible for this high rate of failure in marriages?

The breakdown in marriages that we experience today is as a result of breakdown of family values, a breakdown of societal values. You know, in Africa, we were taught that a child is raised by the community; a child is raised by not just father and mother, but by the community. But today, even in our schools, you see that we no longer correct children because when you discipline a child, you reprimand a child, you will be taken on by the parent. So, the values are changing. Nonetheless, the scripture says that God himself is a family man because he has families in the heavens and he has families upon the face of the earth. So, Paul says it is to this cause that he bows his knees to the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, whose family in the heavens and on the earth consists. So for me, I believe that one of the ways to resolve this issue of deterioration is for family values to be restored. Every family taking responsibility for their children, every family taking responsibility for the community. Number two, we need to go back to that place of vulnerability. That we are vulnerable, we know that we make mistakes because we are not perfect, but we strive towards perfection. And then we also are open to our friends. Have accountability partners when you are going to challenge your marriage; you don’t need to bottle up. Have accountability partners. And if that is done, I’m very sure that we will be able to resolve a lot of these problems that we have. As a nation, the face of society is the face of family. So, even God believes in marriage.

As a cleric what role have you played in deepening the institution of marriage?

I believe that as a pastor, I do my own bit, talking about marriage from time to time in church. And then we have a robust counseling session. You see, most of the time, people believe that the only way to have marriage intact is when you do counseling before marriage.

The question is, how about post-counseling? So in our own church, we introduce what we call post-counseling. Post-counseling is where we follow up with the new married ones for the next one year. We talk to them. In fact, as simple as giving birth – childbirth is, it can cause disarray in marriage if they don’t have experience. So we walk them through the experience of childbirth. We walk them through the experience of every other kind that they open up to us. So we do premarital counseling. And then, finally, I will say that a problem shared is a problem half solved. Many families are locked up, even in relationships. I say to people; when you want to marry, don’t fall in love. Grow in love. Because everything that attracts you in that man and that woman will fade away with time. What will not fade away is the growth that you have in loving that man and in loving that woman.

So, let’s go back to your new publication; what influenced the theme of the book: ‘The Field of Boaz’?

What influenced the theme of the book is, in the course of my study, while I studied the book of Ruth, that matter just rose in my heart as I read the scriptures. And then, I didn’t want it to look like I’m just telling my story. I wanted it to also be situated in the scriptures. Because, as a Christian, I have one book that I have full regard for in terms of its originality, in terms of its history, in terms of its authenticity. So, that was why I lifted that from the scriptures that she went to the field of one man called Boaz. So, that’s where I lifted it from. And it’s been a blessing to me.

Who is the target audience for this publication?

The book is meant for men, women, young, teens, and even the married. I’m married before I wrote this book. So, I know that the people that will read this book will actually be born out of this. And finally, also to people who are traumatic, people who have been traumatised by experiences and they feel that marriage is not for them. No, marriage is for everyone that is matured, that is responsible, regardless of their experience.