Many couples do not clearly communicate their expectations, mindsets, and belief systems around important issues in marriage, such as earning and spending money. They often feel like they can just navigate with limited knowledge and that things will just work out along the way.
During sessions, I often hear things like, “Oh, my husband doesn’t drop enough money in the house. He just drops whatever he likes, maybe N20,000, and expects it to be enough.” He might say something like, “Well, at least I am paying the school fees and the house rent, so if I just drop N20,000, can’t you manage it?” This shows a lack of foundational understanding and communication about finances.
For instance, people grow up in different family settings and bring those settings into their marriage. There should be a conversation about how bills will be managed and how investments for the family will be made. If you have these conversations, your expectations will be made clear, and everyone will know who is responsible for what. But when these discussions don’t happen, and you act based on what you saw while growing up, it can punish your partner and cause unnecessary resentment.
There is budgeting and bills. You must be clear about who pays which bills and who is responsible for what expenses. Some couples might decide to merge their money and handle expenses together. Whatever system you choose, you both need to discuss it and agree on it rather than assuming and allowing resentment to build up.
So, make sure to talk about money and every important issue, and communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings and resentment.
Let’s talk about the savers vs spender mindset in marriage too.
There are different types of mindsets when it comes to money in marriage. We have the spenders versus the savers, the hoarders versus multipliers, the scarcity mindset versus the abundance mindset, the entitlement mindset, and the considerate mindset.
Spenders are people who make money and spend it as it comes. They don’t have a budget or track their expenses. They aren’t interested in using serious templates or systems to manage money. They believe that money is meant to be made and spent. This mindset is common with personality types like sanguine. Often, this is because of how they grew up and their understanding of money.
On the other hand, savers are people who like to save money and can sometimes be stingy with how they spend it. They budget at the beginning of the month, track their expenses meticulously, and keep receipts from supermarkets and other places. They aim to save money and manage it wisely.
I remember a family member claiming he didn’t have money when we asked for help. After some persuasion, he brought out money that looked like it had been stored in a wardrobe for a long time—pressed and covered in debris. This shows that some people prefer to save money at home money for a long time.
When you are getting married or are already married, it is important to ask, “Who is the spender, and who is the saver?” Knowing this helps because the saver can assist the marriage or home in saving more money and budgeting wisely. In financial matters, it’s not about who the head of the house is but who has more expertise and capacity to handle it.
Personally, I am more of a saver. I know how to budget, keep money, and manage it well. On the other hand, my husband knows how to invest money and make strategic money moves. So, who do you think is responsible for keeping the family funds? Me. Why? Because I have the capacity to save, budget, and account for the money. This allowed us to manage our finances effectively.
My husband is more inclined to acquire properties or engage in business ventures, while I am more cautious. I often ask, “Are you sure you want to do this business? Are you sure you want to acquire this property?” Understanding your financial mindset can help you know who should handle what and how to organise things in your marriage.
