Most times, when I fail or fall below my standards, I punish myself with excessive criticism, I beat myself up, and I’m often too hard on myself. Sometimes, I realise I don’t love myself and I’m my own worst enemy; why do I treat myself with disdain? What crime have I committed not to love myself and shower myself with kindness? Always blaming and shaming myself for my pain. Self-neglect becomes the order of the day, pushing myself to an uncomfortable limit.
”To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance” – Oscar Wilde. One way to winning back our hearts and reclaiming our wellbeing is through self-compassion, which is treating oneself with kindness, care, thoughtfulness, consideration, empathy and love.
Many people believe that the only way to motivate themselves whenever they have ”let themselves down” is to crack the whip with harsh self-talks and behaviour, but research shows the opposite. Kristin Neff, one of the leading self-compassion researchers states that Self-limiting or destructive thought processes, like the critical inner voice diminish our motivation and initiative, whereas self-compassion and kindness increase them. When we learn to be kinder to ourselves, we also become more resilient to challenges and stress, more productive, more able to overcome bad habits and addiction and have better and more fulfilling relationships with others.
To be kind to yourself, you have to soften the voice of the inner critic. Start practising self-talk that sounds warm, friendly and kind. Let your inner voice take on the tone of a supportive friend or coach when the harsh tones set out, pause and speak to yourself warmly and gently.
Be mindful of how you treat yourself, do things that nourish you, book or research a trip you want to take, set up dinner or a cup of coffee with a good friend, look into how you can grow in your career to get new and exciting stuff to do, try a new hobby.
Take a self-compassion break, take a day or week off from everything, be deliberate during this period, choose to do nothing and take this time to find out what and where the root cause of your anger towards yourself stems from. Pause for a moment and take a break for your mental health.
Being kind to yourself in everyday life is in my experience, one of the best things you can do for yourself. Life will become lighter, and your relationships will most likely improve. You will feel happier overall. Your self-esteem and your sense of deserving good things in life will go up.
https://mrsmindfulness.com/
https://www.positivityblog.
Chioma Nwosu is a mental health/positive psychology advocate, speaker and founder of Olamma Cares Foundation an NGO focused on encouraging the social acceptance of developmental disabilities and mental disorders, finding and implementing long term solutions of these conditions through training, capacity building, advocacy and intervention.
Email: [email protected] Instagram: _olamma_
