This Wike sef!!!

I don’t know how it came to become that one of my earliest interventions in 2023 is on Wike, the weird Governor of River State, the original bridge-builder( has built the largest number of bridges and flyovers in the state and more than any Governor in Nigeria) a lawyer who doesn’t mind acting outside the law, somebody who craves public adulation and whose ‘Kabyesiasation’( apologies to Dr Onwuzuroha) and canonization are now complete, as he has cowed everybody and has joined the Pentecostals in the privatisation of God(The God of Wike).

He has also became of recent, the Chief of Staff to God and knows authoritatively those whom God would not give power to ( the wicked and the treacherous)as well as how God, who is ordinarily forgiving and compassionate had given him power to crush his enemies. That is despite the fact that he has declared that he is not a born-again Christian and would rather blow heads off than turn the other cheek!

While Peter Obi, the author and finisher of OBIcracy, is the most trending politician in Nigeria today, Wike is the most trending non-contestant in the Nigerian electoral firmament. And he does everything to maintain that ranking by seeking and holding attention, keeping his friends and foes on edge.

Only a person with high ‘Wikeistic’ quotient can appoint fresh 200000 advisers and assistants in this distressed Nigerian environment, making me wonder about the budgetary system operated by this fellow who has been a government ‘pikin’ since he left school. He has promised to make public his favoured presidential candidate ‘soon’and that ‘soon’ has lasted for at least 3 months.

Of course, what do you expect of a man who is only happy when he makes people unhappy, ‘worry-full’ and to suffer higher high BP? A man who would gladly blow out their faces and knock them out in round 1 rather than going through the whole 12 rounds? And he was regaling his listeners with his pugilistic prowess at a thanks-giving service inside a Church!
If you think that this ‘thing’ just started today, then you are either the proverbial ‘stranger in Jerusalem’ or you have failed to scan the mass-media environment.

He exhibited the highest level of his ‘wikeism’ during the lock-down era , when he was crowned an ‘Emperor’ and further decorated him a Brigadia-General and ‘Commanding Officer 101 Waterside Brigade, Special Lockdown Forces’.

That was when he vested himself with all the powers on, above and under the earth, made the laws via executive orders (legislature), apprehended the offenders, terrorised them verbally before he prosecuting and judging them (judiciary) and executed the punishment, as when he demolished two hotels(executive).

Indeed, he lived out the Napoleonic declaration L’etat cest moi. Those old enough will also remember the days of attempted coup River State House of Assembly, the war between Abuja and PH and how he thoroughly rubbished one king through verbal bombardment at a public function the other day.

I also remember how he rescued Joi Nunie, and another Judge from the gestapo-style abduction by the police and the DSS, stating that ‘this type of impunity cannot flourish under my watch’. But as it has turned out, impunity is only bad when committed by others.

His current ‘two-fighting’ theatricals started when he lost in the cash-and carry Dollar-Denominated PDP primaries and subsequently turned himself into a defender of the South and arrowhead of the war against inequity.

Of course, we know that Wike is not the best qualified to fight against the iniquity and inequity of the PDP because in terms of equity and ‘awa-lokan’, the ticket should go to the SouthEast.

However, some invisible hands ensured that the ticket was ‘thrown open’ (Some people (no be me) say that Wike powered the powerful invisible hands!). Then in total disregard for equity and good conscience, he contested and then lost. That was when he started his ‘roforofo’ fight against Ayu and Atiku and the national PDP. But there is a harmless question for him: what if he had won, or if Atiku had made him the VP? In any case, he was even the one who elbowed out the former PDP chair from his state and he succeeded Amaechi, who is from the same zone!

Wike fights dirty and on all fronts; he doesn’t believe in half measures. The PH Atikulated campaign office was sealed up following an Executive Order which would have been signed after the office came into being. The CofO of land allocated to Senator Lee Maeba, a key Atikulator in River State, was revoked 6 months after it was granted! He also directed that all the parties,( I did not mention PDP) should obtain monetised permit before rallies asking them to ‘dare us and we will tell you that we are in charge of River State’.

At times, the war gets apparently off-tangent and confusing. He got the State Assembly, which is in his pocket (as with other governors) to strip Omehia of all gubernatorial privileges ( including a refund of N600m entitlements within a week) . I think Omehia became or was trying to become Atikulated. In a surprise move, he dropped all charges against, Amaechi and then as we were trying to figure this out, he filed fresh charges against him.