Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America has been unrelenting in his efforts to ingratiate himself with the retired Partners of KPMG (who are still awaiting their gratuity and pension) the promoters of Resilience Television which is the brain-child of John Cleese and Baron Sacha, regardless of the channel’s declared editorial policy – it will not air any news or reports about COVID-19 virus/pandemic. The only concession it is willing to grant is the Surgeon-General’s warning:
“No Smoking. Cigarettes kill you SLOWLY
But if you are in a hurry, try something else.
Put on your mask; wash your hands; use
only genuine sanitizer and maintain social
distancefrom smokers.”
Anyway, Donald’s problem is that he wants Americans NOT to know that the COVID-19 virus is playing games while being mischievous. It has already emerged and re-emerged in various mutations and the latest one is being bred in Wuhang province in China and parts of Asia which are loyal to the American Democratic Party. The new model is under the code name 007/G614.
It is far more lethal than anything we have witnessed so far.
Donald Trump is absolutely obsessed with being re-elected as President of the United States of America on November 3, 2020. He is a very worried man in spite of his daily bravado on Fox News:
“The only way I can lose the election is if it is rigged through votes cast by mail instead of the “Option A40” which Nigeria has patented. Voters must line up behind their presidential candidate – either me or Joe the Forbidden.”
Through an interpreter the King placed a curse on anyone disturbing the peace and tranquillity of the kingdom; or plotting against the king; or engaging in kidnapping or human trafficking
Most bizarre and bewildering is Donald Trump’s avowed love for Nigeria and Nigerians !!According to a White House spokeswoman (KayleighMcEnany).
Nigeria is Donald’s flavour of the month. He denied ever including Nigeria as one of the “S…hole countries” or ever slagging off Nigeria as “fantastically corrupt”. That was David Cameron’s (Prime Minister of Britain) auditors’ report. He also emphatically denied ever referring to Nigeria as a country for wild savages and friendly people.
So what does Donald Trump want from Nigeria? In his desperation to totally obliterate any prospects of rigging in the forthcoming presidential he stumbled on the supernatural powers of His Royal Highness Oba Ewuare II, the Oba of Benin.
Resilience Television had aired a documentary captioned: “OBA GHA TO KPE E” in which His Royal Highness was decked in his full regalia – majestically intimidating. Through an interpreter, the Oba (King) of Benin announced that he was fed up with the escalation in crime and the trafficking of females mostly to Italy where the King (as a prince) has served as Nigeria’s Ambassador.
The Royal wrath matched the flaming red garments/robes of the priests, magicians, snake charmers, native doctors whose dexterity and proficiency in curing COVID-19 virus is a closely guarded secret.
It was a propitious occasion to display the magnificence and majesty of ancient weapons which had been in the royal armoury for almost a thousand years. They were clearly intimidating as they showed neither signs of decay nor obsolesce. Through an interpreter the King placed a curse on anyone disturbing the peace and tranquillity of the kingdom; or plotting against the king; or engaging in kidnapping or human trafficking. The King made a majestic exit and left the rest of the work to the Town Criers. It was like magic. Going by the testimony of the State Governor, Mr. Godwin Obaseki and the Commissioner for Justice and Attorney-General, Professor Yinka Omorogbe, the bandits left town never to be seen again. The crime wave was over in the twinkle of an eye !!
It was after watching in awe the feat performed by the King on Fox News, that Donald Trump twitted: It if works against human traffickers, it is just the right curse for those who are planning to rig the election of the President of the United States of America on 3rd November 2020.
Unfortunately, Donald Trump failed to do his homework. Impulsively, he despatched “Air Force One” to pick up the monarch. He was dumbfounded when the plane was not allowed to land in Benin talk less of his emissaries being allowed into the hallowed palace of the King.
The King (speaking through interpreters even though he is fluent in English, French, German and Italian) insisted on CNN that he owed no apologies to anyone. “Benin tradition and culture do not permit anything other than strict adherence to ancient rites otherwise it would be an invitation to pestilence (e.g. COVID-19 virus) to invade the Kingdom.”
Regardless, Donald would not give up. He has resorted to pulling strings in Abuja, the seat of power.
However, what was strange was that from the moment Resilience Television announced that it would air the report of Donald Trump’s encounter with His Royal Highness, it was immediately knocked out !! No signal whatever. It was not until late in the evening, after several hours off the air, that it received a message that it must offer its profound apologies for daring to contemplate airing the story without the prior consent of the King – otherwise severe penalties (curses not excluded !!) would follow.
It took the intervention of the retired partners of KPMG, who are still awaiting their gratuity and pension, to calm frayed nerves and thereby avert a monumental disaster.
Matters were not helped by the big bold headlines of Nigerian newspapers:
(i) Front page of “Daily Sun” on August 25, 2020
“FEDERAL GOVERNMENT DECLARES BAYELSA, KATSINA, KEBBI,
BORNO, TARABA, BANKRUPT.”
(ii) Front page of “Vanguard” on August 25, 2020
“ECONOMY SINKS TO 3-DECADES RECORD LOW”
(iii) Front page of “The Guardian” on August 25, 2020
“COVID-19 PANDEMIC LINGERS”
(iv) Front page of “Daily Trust” on August 25, 2020
“NIGERIA’S ECONOMY RECORDS WORST DECLINE IN TEN YEARS”
· COVID-19, others responsible – Report
· We’re suffering from unemployment, price hikes – citizens
· Rescue efforts not enough – experts.
(v) Front page of “The Punch” on August 25, 2020
“FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WON’T BE ABLE TO SERVICE RISING
DEBTS, FUND BUDGET” — Manufacturing Association of Nigeria
(vi) Front page of “The Nation” on August 25, 2020
“UNITED NATIONS TO BUHARI: JOIN (sic) DIALOGUE WITH FORCE
TO END INSECURITY.”
(vii) Front page of “Nigerian Tribune” on August 25, 2020
“HOW COVID-19, OIL PRICE CRASH WORSENED NIGERIA’S ECONOMY”
Resilience Television took advantage of the interval to switch to paying well deserved tribute to the legendary Ray Charles.
He was at his sublime best with:
“HIT THE ROAD JACK”
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Woah, woman, oh, woman, don’t treat me so mean
You’re the meanest old woman that I’ve ever seen
I guess if you say so
I’ll have to pack my things and go (that’s right)
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Now, baby, listen, baby, don’t ya treat me this-a way
‘Cause I’ll be back on my feet some day
(Don’t care if you do ’cause it’s understood)
(You ain’t got no money, you just ain’t no good
Well, I guess if you say so
I’ll have to pack my things and go (that’s right)
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back
No more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road, Jack
And don’t you come back no more
Well (don’t you come back no more)
Uh, what’d you say? (Don’t you come back no more)
I didn’t understand it! (Don’t you come back no more)
You can’t mean that! (Don’t you come back no more)
Oh, now, baby, please! (Don’t you come back no more)
What you tryin’ to do to me? (Don’t you come back no more)
Oh, don’t hurt me like that!”
