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Young and Married

...is communication really the key

We have all heard at some point that communication is an important key to a successful marriage. Indeed, communication is Important in a marriage but not in the way you are thinking. Let me explain a scenario, “A couple who had been experiencing issues in marriage attended a seminar where they were told that communication is key. The wife held on to that and planned to practice. A few days later they had a disagreement and they decided not to speak to each other. The wife remembered the key and then went to meet her husband and said, “they have said communication is key, let us talk about it.” That statement worsened the situation as the husband was not in the mood and got even more annoyed. With this scenario in mind, let us define what communication really means in marriage.

Communication is the giving and receiving of information. This means that successful communication is mutual and two-way.

There are different methods of communication. These include writing, emailing, meeting, phone call etc. The way various methods of communication exist in the secular world is the same way it exists in marriage. Everybody has a preferred method through which they would like to be reached especially when it comes to emotions. You cannot impose your method of communication on the other person, you must find out what works for them to achieve success.

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This method is their soft spot. You can calm them, penetrate their understanding, and activate their positive emotions through this. If you can find out this method, you have literally found a treasure!

A communication method after discovery can be peculiar to a family. Like cultures, traditions and practices differ per family, communication can also be unique. Once the method is discovered, it can then be imbibed and made a way of life in which, whenever communication is required only that method will be initiated. There are various methods of communication in marriage, some of which are:

1. Thoughtful handwritten letters within the home: There are some couples who apologize by expressing their displeasures, owning their mistakes, and promising to make amends via a thoughtful handwritten letter.

2. Kind Gestures: Some people respond better to this.

3. Discussion: Some prefer to have “the talk” so that they can say all that’s on their mind in real time.

4. Some initiate playful acts till the other person are in the right frame of mind to receive the information.

That being said, you are not merely expected to imbibe any of the above methods, but you are to go through the process of discovery to find out the unique method for your family. This process of discovery should be done by both parties. The husband is to find out what works for his wife and vice-versa.

There is however an easier, faster, and straight forward way to discover this method, the Holy Spirit! This again is like a cheat code for those who are in Christ. He knows your spouse more than you do and even knows you more than you know yourself. He can give you a prescription that would work specifically for your family.

In summary, find your method!

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