Many times, when singles try to attract a partner, it is not uncommon for them to shrink themselves because they want to be found or they want to find someone. They give up on their dreams, goals and desires because they don’t want to intimidate a partner. When I hear things like this; all I want to scream as loud as possible is: ‘the partner you need to shrink yourself to attract, is the very one you don’t need’.
I think many times, we allow our myopic view of the world to define our realities and expectations. The fact that you’ve dated a few small-minded people does not mean that everyone is small minded.
Open your mind to the possibility of meeting someone worthy of you. But this is not going to happen magically. You have your own part to play. Here are a few things I think are important:
1. Work on your self esteem: Have you heard this saying before: You date at the level of your self esteem? Yes! That’s so true, you can’t date beyond your level of awareness in about yourself. You are a wonderful human being with flaws just like everyone else. Your flaws don’t make you unlovable. Your flaws don’t make you unworthy of love. Statements like: ‘maybe my height is why he/she doesn’t love me’ shouldn’t be heard from you. Because your internal dialogue (what you’re saying to yourself) is what you will attract. A statement like that will bring you men/women who will just take advantage of you. Rather say; ‘someone, somewhere is in love with me just the way I am’. And watch things align for you to meet that person.
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Blossom while waiting: Get busy! Work on the things that are most important to you.Evolve in your personality and bloom in your doings. The partner you want to attract didn’t stop growing because they are searching; don’t do that to yourself. Keep working on your goals, a person headed somewhere is very attractive. No one wants a liability. Get busy with your life; your partner will meet you while you blossom
Who are you? Who have you become? Who are you becoming? What are the things you’re passionate about? What are your breaking points? What are your deal breakers? What are your boundaries? What can you compromise on? What can’t you compromise on? What is your definition of friendship? What is your definition of a relationship? What does ‘partnership’ mean to you? What is your religious affiliation and how important is it in choosing a partner? What is your definition of gender roles and how far are you willing to compromise to make your relationship work? These questions and more will help you define your relationship goals better.
Ibukun Akinbamijo is a visionary who keeps adding value to men and women. She is the Founder of The Evolution Center; a coaching platform that offers edifying courses engineered towards the training of men and women, to help them live a holistic life. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in International Law and Diplomacy, and a Master’s Degree in Political Science. A Certified Life Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP) Practitioner and an Emotions Therapist. She is also an Emotional Intelligence Specialist. Ibukun is a ball of fire who has authored 2 life-transforming books with a number of other book projects in the works, as well as being an Accredited Mediator and ADRRegistrar who specializes in peace and conflict resolutions. Connect with her via Email – [email protected]
