Our Endless Love

I’m so overwhelmed with love that it makes me feel sick.. I think this is called lovesickness but, why is it still called love when it hurts so much?

I don’t know how best to say this but the truth is that I am in love with my best friend. I’ve had a huge crush on Phil for a long time but I could never bring myself to tell him because I don’t know if he feels the same way about me, besides I’m afraid that I could jeopardize our friendship or make things awkward between us.

I turned down other guys because somewhere at the back of my mind I always hoped that one day, Phil might wake up and begin to see me as someone that is crazy about him and not just his bestie. I had to give up on that thought the day he introduced his fiancee to me. She’s someone I know but I never thought he’d ask her to be his wife. Was I happy for them? Of course not!!

Well, I had to swallow my heart break and open up to other relationships, that was when I met my husband. My friendship with Phil was still intact. Thankfully our spouses had no qualms about our friendship so it was easy for our families to become very close.

Oh how I tried to wean myself off this feeling but it was tough. The harder I tried, the more difficult it was for me. I know I can’t keep going on like this. Something has to be done. So after thinking long and hard for sometime, I decided that it was best I pulled the plug on the number of times we talked, maybe that would help. Maybe I could also channel all of that love to my husband and kids.

Phil got a mouth watering job through my big brother who lived in another city so he had to move with his family. Should I say my prayers were answered? Well, not exactly but it kinda became easier for me to give excuses for not visiting and more excuses for not calling. This was supposed to make things more bearable but instead it proved to me that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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Now this is where the story begins to get more interesting. I always order for skin care products through my brother and he would mail them to me but this particular time he decided to give them to Phil since he had plans to visit my city.
There’s no way Phil would be in Victorville without seeing me so that was the right thing to do.

Turns out Phil’s schedule was loaded back to back with work and he couldn’t make out time to bring the package to me. The only way to get my stuff was to meet up with him at the airport on his way out.

No matter how hard I had tried to severe all forms of communication with this man, it was impossible to severe my feelings for him. It was so good to see him again but I couldn’t help but notice that for some reason, Phil seemed nervous.

When it was time for him to board his flight, I stretched out my hand for our secret handshake but instead he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He held me so tight that I had to push back a little to catch my breath. Then he kissed me. Phil kissed me. I was confused, I couldn’t think or process what was happening. I didn’t know how to react. For the life of me, I didn’t see it coming. He was oblivious to the surrounding, it didn’t matter if anyone would recognize us. Phil kissed me.

Time stood still, all the clocks in the world stopped working and a thousand years passed before the kiss ended, then he took a step back and whispered, “I’m so in love with you and I’m sorry it took this long for me to know this”.

I stood there in a daze… stupefied, transfixed and confused as I watched him walk away.