I said I loved you, but I lied

It hit me that hot afternoon in March 2018 when my husband spoke the words that no one wants to hear that changed our lives.

My husband and I hadn’t seen each other properly for days. Somehow, we always seemed to miss each other, only catching a few minutes here and there. This “missing” had become our new regular; it created a massive gap between us.

That morning I decided I had enough. I carefully gathered the list of grievances and hurts. Previous experiences had ended with the feeling I hadn’t been heard. This time I was ready.

My husband came downstairs from the bedroom an hour later, still sleepy from his late night out.

I’d like to talk to you,” I said. He looked at me and shrugged. “Sure,”

I spoke slowly. “I feel like you are never home. I feel like you work all the time. You say the boys and I are the most important thing to you, yet we always seem to be your last priority. It feels like you have time for us only when everything else is done. You say we’re first, but it always feels like we’re last.”

As I talked, his head slowly dropped. I was shocked when he said, “It’s true, it’s all true.”

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I felt like. Finally, I’d gotten through to him. “Why,” I asked, “why are you doing this to us?”

He was silent for a moment, and then he uttered the devastating words that changed our lives forever: “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

I froze inside. And suddenly, everything made sense. The late nights and the weekends are filled with work activities. His impatience and irritation with me. His emotional absence from our family.

We sat there, looking at each other. Nothing came out of my mouth, but my mind was racing. ‘How can this be fixed? What does that even mean? Are you saying it’s over? What did I do wrong?’ Everything felt destroyed.

I slept the best I had in months. It felt like my body could rest. The following day, I sat down and tried to absorb what happened. I hadn’t cried at all, but something shifted in me.

We married for 21 years and were happy for the first ten years. My husband became increasingly restless over the years until, eventually, discontent oozed from him so strongly that things changed. I was lonely in my marriage. I felt a sadness I couldn’t lift. The only thing that kept me going was my children.

I never cried after my husband made his startling revelation, but those words took a toll on me. I looked horrible. I knew it was time to set him loose and move on.

Eventually, our marriage ended, but the ultimate heartbreak for me was the words, “I’m not in love with you anymore” Although they broke me, I now see those words as a blessing. The words released me from the pain of a loveless marriage into the bliss I enjoy today. I found love again with a man that is crazy about me.