People lie, on average, one or two times per day. While the percentage of lies told by a person, the conditions under which we lie and the degree to which the truth gets stretched all vary, research agrees: We all do it sometimes. So it’s inevitable that, at some point, we will get caught.
Many people, however, don’t see it that way. Most of us believe that our lies actually work. But frequently there are cues, if we’re willing to see them, that indicate skeptical doubt, even outright disbelief, on the faces of those we lie to.
If you sense that spinning information, denying a mistake or exaggerating a contribution has backfired, don’t assume things will be OK after the painful silence or furrowed eyebrows subside. Your reputation is now in question. Here’s how you can earn back some of your credibility:
— REFLECT ON WHY YOU LIED: Dishonesty is never random. Underneath our lies are unmet needs that we believe lying might satisfy. Identifying these needs is the first step to finding healthier ways to fulfill them. Think about the last time you lied at work. Did you feel overlooked or unfairly judged by your boss? Did you fear your mistake would be more harshly criticized than warranted? My research on dishonesty, a 15-year longitudinal study on conditions that predict why people lie in organizations, reveals that some companies may be unwittingly creating circumstances that actually encourage us to lie. For example, when we feel our work is being unfairly evaluated, we are almost four times more likely to be dishonest.
— ASSESS THE CREDIBILITY DAMAGE: Pay attention to how people now respond to you. Is your opinion being solicited less? Are things you say being engaged differently than before? As you recognize signs of weakening credibility, you may be triggered to lie even more to regain it. Instead, evaluate the gap between the reputation you want and the reputation you have. Do you want to be known as someone with great ideas who delivers on commitments? Once you’re clear on this, you can more accurately evaluate the degree of doubt you may have raised by attempting to dishonestly engineer your reputation.
— LOOK FOR WAYS TO DEMONSTRATE HONESTY: If you lied, it’s likely that your colleagues now wonder about your capacity for honesty. In some cases, they may also be questioning other aspects of your character. You may not have the opportunity to outright confess that you lied; political conditions inside many companies often make such admissions too risky. (Although if you feel it’s safe to do so, by all means, take responsibility for your actions.) Once you identify the conclusions people have drawn about you, however, you can practice demonstrating honesty in ways that refute them. If your humility is being questioned, genuine expressions of self-doubt about your ideas, self-deprecating acknowledgments of things you aren’t good at and affirmations of others’ greater abilities can help.
Free yourself from the self-destructive cycle of dishonesty. Take stock of the conditions under which you are tempted to lie. Be honest about what legitimate needs you are trying to meet, and what legitimate reputation you are trying to form. Doing so will help you find more legitimate ways to do both. ”
