The pros and cons of getting a pre-nup

It’s the start of wedding season! The scent of orange blossoms is in the air, best men are putting the finishing touches on their speeches, and brides and grooms are agreeing ahead of time what will happen to their assets in case of divorce…

Wait, what?

Admittedly, there is very little that is romantic about a prenuptial agreement. The very beginning of a marriage seems (in some ways) like a terrible time to spell out what will happen at the (possible) end of the relationship. However, there are some very sound financial and legal reasons for entering into a marriage with the protection of a prenuptial agreement. Here are some things to consider while you and your pookie are planning your wedding day.

Why you might want a pre-nup

It’s important to remember first and foremost that couples entering into marriage with a prenuptial agreement don’t have any greater expectations of a divorce down the road. These couples merely tend to be practical, and recognise that marriage is about more than just the loving union of two people—it’s also about the union of financial assets and liabilities, families, and legal issues.

If either the bride or groom has children from a previous relationship, a prenup can help ensure their financial well-being in the event of divorce or death. Since each state has different laws regarding inheritance, it can be prudent for engaged couples to lay out in writing what they want to happen should life bring a rocky patch.

Similarly, if a bride or groom comes into a marriage with a well-established business, she or he might want to make sure to keep controlling interest in the event of a divorce. Or, if one member of the couple comes into the marriage with a great deal of debt (or a newly minted business), the prenup can help to protect the other spouse in the case of bad financial luck.

Read also: Say ‘I do’ to open financial communication with your spouse

The stereotypical reason for a prenup is when either the bride or groom comes from family money. Though most of us aren’t lucky enough to be named Rockefeller (or married to one), many individuals do have family heirlooms, homes and other legacies that ought to stay “in the family” in the case of divorce or death.

Prenuptial agreements are a way for a couple to talk openly about their finances, families, legal issues, plans, hopes and dreams. In the starry-eyed and harmonious time before a wedding, it is an excellent idea to have an open conversation about these issues, so you really know what the person you’re marrying is like.

Why you might not want a Pre-nup

No matter how you slice it, starting a marriage with a prenup can make one or both members of the couple feel like there is a lack of trust. That’s a difficult emotional hurdle to get around.

It has been known to happen for one member of the couple to sign away more rights than is prudent, because it can be difficult to imagine getting to the point of divorce when you are in the midst of planning a wedding.

Prenuptial agreements also don’t necessarily predict the future. You may marry a starving artist whom you plan to support with your bustling law practice. Fifteen years later, when your artist has hit the big time, you might still have to pay support checks after the divorce because your prenuptial agreement assumed you would always make more money.

Finally, you may not think of everything that could come up in your prenuptial agreement—which means you could still end up fighting over something in a divorce proceeding.

When you get right down to it, prenuptial agreements are practical but unromantic. Whether or not you put things down in writing, each couple contemplating marriage should have a continuing dialogue about all of the issues a pre-nup might cover. If you can’t talk about these things without a lawyer present, you might want to call a relationship counsellor first.