The academic session is upon us again as every primary, secondary and tertiary institution begins and tutors,teachers, heads of schools and lecturers are ready to deliver their quota with the curriculum.
Parents on the other hand have set some unrealistic goals and academic targets for their children without involving them in it and shoving it down their throat.
Do we believe that our children get pressured?
Do we realise that our kids get frustrated with academic work?
Oooh what nonsense!!, they are just acting lazy and the holiday has gotten to them, it is too much play you might say, but you feel you might have a valid point which is 25% inaccurate. Children, just like adults feel or get frustrated and extremely frazzled by the simple sight of a piece of chalk or the sight of a textbook.
I spoke with a teenager this week because her mum told me she had refused to resume school and she was missing out on a lot, and all she does is come up with excuses. “All her excuses are not adding up for me” says her mum.
So we intervened and the first question was “Are you ready to return to school?” and the answer was “No” with tears in her eyes, of course mummy was out of the room. “Why aren’t you ready?” She said the thought of school makes her stressed out and she begins to palpitate and therefore doesn’t think she can handle it mentally amongst many other reasons which were valid.
As we guard our mental health or space this year, it is important to help the mental space of your child. The world they live in is very volatile, uncertain, difficult and destructive, they have a lot they have to deal with. If they feel they can not measure up academically, they find a coping mechanism that might not be healthy for them. So parents please help prepare your children mentally before school, find out where their emotions are at, what triggers the pressure or fear.
Trigger points may be and not limited to, bullying, unsolicited remarks or sexual harassment. Children do not speak up because they know we always blame them for the reason why things happen to them. Pressure from parents or guardians can be so overwhelming it might force the child to give up and please, do not allow your child over-hear you say they did not live up to your expectations.
When a child feels pressured, especially if they are trashed down with words which makes them broken on the inside, if not dealt with, that becomes the beginning of an internal death. Do not be the pressure cooker affecting your child and also find out if the school is a pressure cooker as well and find a way to mitigate this for the total well-being of your child.
Guard your child’s mental health.Their success is not in their grades.
Somi (not her real name) once told me she didn’t want to eat because she would put on so much weight and she would be amongst the kids that they call fat and ugly. Kids have a lot they deal with that are unspoken, A 9year old has taken to starving herself because she doesn’t want to be called names. When we say communication is a healthy path way to knowing your child, always ask and find out why your child is skipping meals and only wanting to loom a certain way, there must be an external pressure factor. Children should be healthy, yes, under the supervision of their parents. Parents please watch out for signs like this.
My mum prefers my youngest sister to me and she always says, I don’t act like the first child. She calls me names in front of my siblings and berates me all the time, she says I don’t give good examples and she wishes I would emulate my younger sister.
These words run deep and they hurt, children already dealing with self esteem issues unknown to us as parents then gets to hear this, this compounds the child’s issues, trying to live up to the standard of her sibling and constantly seeking validation from her parents can result in a downward spiral of behaviour.
The pressure to become can break them and they begin to loose touch with themselves and for some, they take drastic decisions by rebeling against their parents.
We often say that courage is grace under pressure, we are not trying to shield children from difficult situations however, we can only prepare them and prayerfully guide them on how to handle pressure. It’s dangerous when these pressures are unspoken and unknown to us as parents
