How do you determine the kind of man you need in your life?
You may be making a mistake of choosing based on emotions like “He makes me feel a certain way,” “He makes me laugh,” “He makes me happy,” “He connects to my soul”, and all sorts of feelings.
While basking in these sentiments, you can become blinded to the red flags popping up in your interactions. You may become a little unbothered about his lifestyle, how he hangs out with morally depraved friends, is a party animal, and, worse still, is a chronic gambler.
Oh! You even suspect he may be into illegal business, but you are comforted by the fact that he promised to be careful.
Because you are emotionally invested in the relationship, you risk thinking, “I can change him. I will fix him and convert him to what I want after marriage.”
The truth is that as a lady, you must choose wisely. You must also avoid making a choice based on your misleading and fickle wants. Why not prioritise the quality of who you need to be with? Someone who can mature with you according to the person you’re becoming and God’s purpose for you. Someone who aligns with your values and vision.
But this will be a problem if you have not attained self-awareness or you lack clarity about who you are, what you want and where you’re headed. You’ll continue to make shallow decisions.
Dear ladies, when deciding to date anyone, my first advice is to embark on an intentional journey of self-awareness. Expose yourself to resources, books, coaching, therapy, Mentorship, support systems, and any other opportunity that can help you experience an awakening.
Attending a programme, training, or seminar focused on self-awareness can help. Over time, you will begin to discover your self-worth and transformation. Going on a vacation within or outside your state or country is another path to self-discovery you can explore.
A woman who finds purpose or becomes more self-aware in a marriage she entered into based on emotions will eventually resent her partner, especially if the partner’s values no longer align with hers.
To avoid this, beginning your self-awareness journey before dating is important. By doing so, you will make informed choices and select a partner with whom you can grow and evolve, even though you may not have reached your peak yet.
Pursuing self-awareness will naturally groom you to choose a partner based on a value system, a stronger decision-making process, enlightenment, exposure to knowledge, and all other strong factors. You will be amazed at how intentional you have become. So, that is the first process.
The second process entails healing from past experiences, including painful childhood memories, traumatic events in your previous relationship, and emotional wounds inflicted by previous family relationships, such as parental issues, sibling rivalry, and other emotional challenges that may have wrongly shaped your life.
It is important to heal because when you don’t, you’ll attract people who can only fill the void of your unmet needs. Your unaddressed wounds will drive you to make misguided choices in your relationships.
However, if you can heal first, you will break free from the burden of unresolved issues, making you wiser, stronger, resilient and more intentional about making decisions in your love life.
To be continued, I hope this helps you. Share with others.
If you are a man reading this, it is time to level up and become an intentional high-value-adding man. Improve yourself via the right resources, choose to become accountable and deal with your upbringing dysfunctions so that you can also choose well and keep it steady for the long run in marriage.
You can also download my free books here to get started: www.nikefolagbade.com/freebooks.
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