In many Nigerian homes, the phrase “be strong” is often used as a badge of honour. It’s a phrase we hear when we’re in pain, overwhelmed, or even grieving. Strength, for many women, has come to mean carrying heavy burdens without showing emotion, pushing through the hardest situations without complaint, and wearing a brave face no matter how we feel inside. But what if we’ve misunderstood what it means to be strong?
For years, society has equated strength with emotional suppression. “Strong women don’t cry,” they say. But what if true strength lies in embracing our vulnerability instead of masking it? What if being soft and open is the key to healing, growing, and living a more fulfilled life?
The Myth of the Strong Woman
Let’s talk about the myth of the “strong woman.” She’s the one who never shows weakness, never asks for help, and never breaks down. On the surface, she seems like the ideal—resilient, capable, and powerful. But beneath that tough exterior often lies exhaustion, loneliness, and a heart weighed down by unprocessed emotions.
When we suppress our emotions to appear strong, we rob ourselves of the chance to heal and connect with others authentically. Think of emotions as water in a dam—if the dam is never opened, the pressure builds until it bursts. In the same way, ignoring our emotions can lead to burnout, anxiety, or even health issues.
The Power of Vulnerability
Vulnerability often gets a bad name. Many people see it as a weakness or an invitation for others to take advantage of us. But vulnerability is one of the greatest displays of courage. It’s the willingness to be seen as you truly are, without pretense or a mask.
When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you create space for deeper connections, emotional healing, and personal growth. Imagine a friend who always pretends everything is fine, even when it’s not. Compare that to a friend who shares her struggles openly. Which one do you feel closer to? Vulnerability builds trust and connection.
I’ve found that some of my deepest healing moments came when I admitted, “I’m not okay.” Whether it was through prayer, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend, letting myself feel and express my emotions helped me move forward.
How to Lean into Vulnerability
If you’ve spent years equating strength with emotional suppression, leaning into vulnerability can feel uncomfortable. But it’s a journey worth taking. Here’s how to start:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Ignoring your emotions doesn’t make them disappear, it just delays the inevitable. Take time to reflect on how you feel, whether through journaling, quiet reflection, or prayer.
Practical Tip: Set aside 10 minutes daily to check in with yourself. Ask, “How do I feel today?”
2. Speak Your Truth
Share your emotions with trusted people in your life. Start small, like saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” instead of brushing it off with “I’m fine.” Vulnerability isn’t about telling everyone everything; it’s about being real with the right people.
3. Reframe Vulnerability as Strength
Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It takes courage to face your emotions and allow others to see you as you are. Remember, it’s okay to cry, ask for help, or say, “I don’t know what to do.”
Balancing Strength with Softness
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean abandoning your strength. It’s about balancing strength with softness. Here’s how:
● Know Your Limits
Strength doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything. It’s knowing when to say “no” and honouring your boundaries.
● Celebrate Your Softness
Softness is a gift, not a flaw. It allows you to connect with others, show kindness, and extend compassion to yourself.
● Practice Self-Compassion
Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. Replace harsh self-criticism with affirmations like, “I am doing my best, and that’s enough.”
● Build a Support System
Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be authentic. Find a community—whether it’s a church group, close friends, or even an online space—where you feel safe to be yourself.
The Journey to Wholeness
When we let go of the mask of strength and embrace vulnerability, we step into a more whole and authentic version of ourselves. Wholeness isn’t about having it all together; it’s about integrating every part of who you are—your strength, softness, and imperfections.
As Nigerian women, we often feel the pressure to “have it all together” for our families, careers, and society. But imagine what could happen if we gave ourselves permission to feel, to rest, to heal. Imagine the ripple effect it would have on our children, relationships, and communities.
Conclusion
Strength isn’t about suppressing emotions, it’s about owning them, processing them and finding the courage to embrace them. Vulnerability allows us to heal, grow, and connect with others in meaningful ways.
So, what mask of strength do you need to let go of today? What would happen if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable?
Remember, true strength is found in wholeness. And wholeness comes when we embrace both our strength and our softness.
The journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. And the best part? You don’t have to walk it alone.
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