“Tola, you need to take a break from social media. It’s not good for your mental health right now. When you feel better you can start again.” Tola sat staring into space and heard the words June spoke to her faintly even though June was by her side. The last couple of months had been very rough for her and every day passed like a blur. She was no longer her boisterous self and each day was filled with questions and regrets.
Tola had been one of the top managers in her organisation and had great career prospects. She had intentionally put off starting a family until she had crossed a particular career threshold and as soon as she hit her target, she knew that it was time for the baby to come. She did not however imagine that the baby turned out to be a set of triplets who were born 12 weeks before their due date.
As a result of their prematurity, the babies had to be in hospital for a long time and then there was the extended maternity leave and the sheer work of having 3 babies at once. Even though she had adequate family support, it was still tiring for her. Her greatest problem however was that time was going.
Tola had planned her life and had a clear idea of her timelines. The maternity leave was supposed to last for four months after which she would resume at work and meet up with her career schedule. The hospital stay plus maternity leave extended to eight months and when she resumed, she had to work part-time to enable her to heal properly and prevent burnout.
By the time she resumed fully at work, her peers had gone ahead of her and that was when the resentment and questions started creeping in. If only she didn’t have any children, her career would have gone on smoothly. If only she had waited a bit more, she would not have lost time. If only the babies had been carried to full term, maybe she wouldn’t have spent so much time in the hospital. There were so many ‘if onlys’ and the more she considered them, the more resentful she became towards her babies, her co-workers in the office and even her boss.
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Apart from the delay in her career, Tola was upset about the changes in her body. She used to have the body of a model but she couldn’t recognize the woman that stared back at her in the mirror. She no longer considered herself beautiful.
For several hours daily, Tola spent time on social media looking at her peers and each time she did, she came away sad. Everyone seemed to be having a good time except her. There were those who had snapped back to their pre-pregnancy bodies in 3 weeks, others were announcing promotion after promotion and then there was the group that was ‘living their best life’ and posting pictures from different parts of the world. The more she binged on social media, the more her discontentment grew. It was hard for her to be present in her own life and count her own blessings because of the comparison.
June, Tola’s best friend, had noticed the pattern and decided to talk to her friend about it. Tola reluctantly agreed to delete her social media accounts for a while and focus on being present moment by moment with her family and at work.
A wise person once said ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ It is so easy to look at others and think that their lives are better because of what we see on social media. Many times we don’t correctly recognise the seasons that we are in and that makes us place unrealistic expectations on ourselves to hit certain milestones. It is more profitable to focus on how we can improve our own lives every day and understand that no two people’s paths in life are the same. When we find ourselves drawn into the trap of comparison, identifying our triggers and intentionally being grateful for our blessings is helpful. When we stop comparison, we retain our joy.
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