Boundaries are an important part of relationships but I have noticed that many do not set this boundaries from the start of their relationships due to fear of losing their partner.
If you are in a relationship and you can hardly set the standards of what you want and be firm with it, then you may be probably idolising the relationship.
What does it mean to set boundaries? It simply means to set a limit as to how things will be done and what you can permit or not. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care that we use to manage our expectations and relationship appropriately.
For you to set boundaries in your relationship, you need to be clear about what you want and what you cannot tolerate in a relationship.
Decide and understand your own personal boundaries. It is important for you to be self-aware about what you want. Do you dislike being called certain names? Do you dislike being touched in a particular way? Or maybe you do not like people tampering with your personal belongings without permission? You also may like to speak without disrespect and expect such things too. Do a proper evaluation of yourself, determine your boundaries and make sure you are not guilty of breaking such too. Setting boundaries can be in the area of physical contact, words, touch, your personal space and your personal life.
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Communicate your boundaries: When you have clarity around your boundaries, communicate this to your partner by giving specific examples of how it works. Let your partner understand the consequences of breaking such too. Now some partners set boundaries that permit them to be discreet and unfaithful in their relationships, so it is better to seek clarity around how things are done.
Be firm and clear: Sometimes, your partner may directly or unknowingly break your boundaries. When such happens, remind your partner about your stance. Speak about your displeasure and then communicate it again.
According to Psychcentral, here are few areas to set boundaries around:
Emotional (protecting our own emotional well-being)
Physical (protecting our physical space)
Sexual (protecting our needs and safety sexually)
Workplace (protecting our ability to do our work without interference or drama)
Material (protecting our personal belongings)
Time (protecting the use, and misuse, of our time)
In marriage, it is important for your spouse to know that you will not agree with them speaking to you in a particular way or using certain words on them. Sometimes, it is better to address this when the issues in the marriage are calmer so it does not lead to further abuse. If you are in an abusive marriage, kindly speak up and get help.
Make it a 2 way boundary level: How would your partner want to set boundaries too? Discuss this so that you are both on the same page. While you are setting boundaries with your partner, your partner would have areas they want you to respect too. Listen, engage and make it clearer too.
Your ability to set the right boundaries is a result of a clear understanding of your identity and self-worth. If you permit anything to happen to you, then you may need to heal from past pain and deal with the issues. If you grew up in an environment where you were not modeled this truth, you may not find it easy to understand.
Learn more about yourself and know where to adjust. You can also speak to me if you need help with understanding yourself and how to set the boundaries.
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