Is it not tiring to give your all in a relationship only to end up in another disaster?
It’s easier when you have a support system that can guide you through healing but what happens when you are on your own? Fighting for your sanity may be your only option.
It’s pointless fighting an ex. It reduces your worth to the minimum wage, pun intended.
For me, I was tired. I remember my single days and my many experiences with failed relationships.
The first man made great promises, but his attitudes didn’t make it better. Never willing to apologise or make things work, I felt like I was the only one in the relationship.
The second man made more heavenly promises but got confused along the way.
In all of these, I had my own flaws, but I hadn’t seen nor known them yet.
The more I kept trying, the more it failed on a worse tone, so I decided to pause dating and reflect.
What was wrong?
What was I missing?
Where am I ignorant?
Did you notice how I kept referring to myself and not my exes?
“Until you pick the lessons, you will keep making the same mistakes.”
Along the line, I focused on myself. That’s not too much of self-love, I simply had to find my bling and reposition myself.
Here are the 3 journeys I made:
1. A self-awareness journey:
Truth is, all the while I was basking in plenty love promises and hoping to settle down soon, I was completely ignorant of myself.
I didn’t know my purpose, temperament, values, strengths and weaknesses. I didn’t know my worth. I thought men were doing me a favor of loving me.
Oh! I didn’t love myself enough and I was partially disconnected from the true source of love —-God.
So, I began my journey and started investing in myself. I paid for courses that changed my life and also read books.
I read books on purpose, dating, marriage and spirituality. That was my scope as at then and I began to grow. I spent more time with God, and I gave out value from the little I had.
I shared a lot about my journey and the red flags I ignored in my book; Get the Ring (www.nikefolagbade.com/getthering )
2. Healing Journey:
While I started to build self-awareness, I thought I had healed.
I was still bitter, and I kept stalking my ex online. A part of me wanted more answers and closure but I never got it. I pretended like I was fine, but I wasn’t.
I had nights where I listened to soul music just to rock myself to bed in tears.
Memories flew through my mind in diverse colours like the rainbows.
Well, it took me years to finally heal, and it paid off. I learnt that closure may not happen directly with my ex, but I can pick the lessons, work on my weakness and position myself for the best. I tuned into what God has for me in the future and gradually began to let go. Healing is a journey you do not force but it has to be intentionally activated.
3. Discovery journey:
Everything I listed above led me into self-discovery. This is different from self-awareness. The former is about knowing your worth and personality. While the latter helps you to understand your being, your purpose and your message to the world. It’s about contributing to this world and walking into a journey of extraordinary living.
There is more to who you are.
You can’t afford to keep wallowing in pain. Your mess points to a message. You need to find the you in YOU.
Relationships are great if you know what you want and stick with someone who shares same or close values.
If you are single today, be grateful for your journey so far and gift yourself the ability to rise above it through walking in wonders. Your life is more precious than you think, and you should not define yourself by your current status.
If you need help with navigating your single journey, don’t forget to my book, Get the ring, it will be the shift you need in this season. www.nikefolagbade.com/getthering )
