Nwadiuto Akwitti is a life coach and the brain behind Bridging The Gap Between Parents and their Children, an initiative that educates parents and helps them see through the eyes of their adolescents. In this interview with NGOZI OKPALAKUNNE, Akwitti who is also a life coach with Enliven Coaching Academy, spoke on the reasons for barriers between parents and their adolescent children as well as the ways both parties gain clarity and are empowered so that they can feel understood in control and fulfilled to accomplish their goals as parents and adolescents. Excerpts:
Why bridging the gap between parents and adolescents?
Like everybody else, I had my fair share of ups and downs. As a teenager, one of them would be the confusion around what to study in the university amongst others. Like every little child when asked ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ I had a ready answer each time. But unlike others, mine changed each time. I went from wanting to be a doctor one day, to wanting to be a farmer the very next day. This continued to the point of filling the application forms for the university. While I waited on my parents and my older siblings to tell me what course of study to fill in and school of choice to apply for, I was shocked when I suddenly realised that I was to make the choice for myself. I know many adolescents are like me, they just need someone to recognise them, understand them and empower them to succeed. This is one of the reasons why I do what I do. To help parents and their adolescents see eye to eye and both be on their way to success. I love seeing the positive changes that happen in the lives of people. Being drawn to the adolescents, after helping them,they return to the same environment which most times wouldn’t make them thrive. Now, instead of coaching just the child, I coach their parents also.
I realised that as parents we feel we know it all, but speaking with many of my clients, we know now that parents have a lot to learn in helping their children thrive. I intend to help loads of adolescents thrive on their way to self-discovery.
What do you think is responsible for the gap between adolescents and their parents and how do you think such gap can be bridged?
Everything could be summed up as awareness. If we knew better, we would do better. There is no school for parenting. All we know is how we saw our parents do it. So, we have majority of parents on these extremes. One end says, ‘if our parents did it this way and we turned out ok, then I’ll do same with my children.’
I’m usually quick to ask, ‘did you really turn out ok?’ The other end is those that say, ‘I’ll never do it the way my parents did it.’ We have few that seek to know themselves, knowthe child and then parent the child the way that is suitable to that child. No two persons are the same, hence parenting styles should differ from child to child. We can’t tar each child with the same brush. To bridge the gap, we need to know who we are, who our child is and where he is heading to. Then we will think of how to help that child get to where he wants. We should also have the resources, capabilities and skills to help them achieve their desired goals in life. It is also necessary for parents to learn necessary skills that will help them parent effectively. Also, parents should do away with belief and behaviour that will hinder them from training their wards properly.
As a coach, what do you consider an ideal relationship between parents and adolescents? I wouldn’t say there is an ideal; as everyone is different, so also are their experiences different. Throw the same event at two people, you will realise that the experiences they will have from the same event would be different. But, let me share some things that can make the relationship better. Parents should put aside culture and traditions that are not serving them and their parenting skills. They should realise that the world is very dynamic, ever changing. The way our parents did it might not work for this generation. We do not know it all, hence the reason why we keep learning.
Parents should listen to their children, listen to what they say. Spend time bonding and teaching. Even in times when they misbehave, teach them. After teaching them, trust them and allow them make their own mistakes, correct when needed. Love your child no matter what, even if they break your heart, yet love them.
There are speculations that most of the young ones are more interested in cybercrime instead of furthering their education. What is your take on that?
I will say it is mere speculation. There are still loads of young adults that are keen about furthering their education. Some might be into fraudulent activities, but are they in the majority? Also, the fraudulent acts are carried out by people across different age range. Those that don’t want to further their education come up with great ideas of things that they will rather do. For my generation, you were either an engineer, a medical doctor, a lawyer or a banker. Now things have changed. Different kinds of needed jobs daily springing up.
The list is endless! Who would have thought that being a YouTuber or an influencer was a job? Many parents still don’t get it. We might need to change our mindset as humans, parents, Nigerians and Africans as a whole. We must begin to face the reality that school might not be for everyone. We can achieve this by accepting them and their ideas. Teach them patience and how to run a business.
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Businesses take time to build and run. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Parents should always be there to support them when things don’t work out as they planned.
We should be the one they run to for advice.
The rate of crime in the society is alarming and the young adults are said to be responsible to some of these crimes. How do you react to this?
I will say it is a speculation. But, assuming this was true. Only a psychopath would wake up and decide that, today is the day that I’ll be harmful to myself and the society. But the questions we need to answer include; why are the young people a menace to the society? Why are they doing what they are doing? What need are they trying to satisfy when they do that? It’s easy to point fingers at the society and the government. It’s easy to blame them for not making life conducive for its citizens. To change the society, it must begin from home. We should be mindful of what we are teaching our children and what we as parents are learning. Parenting goes beyond birthing a child.
Reports have shown that the usage of mobile phone by children under the age of 18 is detrimental to them. What is your take on that?
Research is still ongoing to deduce the fact that increase in stress, anxiety and depression in adolescents and young adults is as a result of the use of devices and being on social media. Even if we fought it before, the pandemic only made it a necessity for the children. School was online. A home with more than three children needed three or more devices. Even now most assignments are still done online. In my opinion, parents should have rules in their homes that the children will abide. But, note that leaving our children unsupervised on the internet is like stepping hard on the accelerator of a car without brakes. We have a specialist in this area, this issue will be discussed during the forth-coming 2022 Bridging The Gap, BTG 2.0 which is scheduled to take place virtually on June 11th. Parents would be taught on how to help their children when it comes to devices and social media.
