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You need tolerance when trying to conceive

If trying to conceive feels trying on your relationship, you’re not alone. For many reasons, the decision to have a baby is easier said than done. Getting pregnant isn’t always easy. In fact, couples in the peak of their fertility only have about a 20 percent chance of conceiving every month. This adds pressure to the process and can turn a happy and hopeful experience into one fraught with stress and feelings of guilt or blame.

If you’ve been trying for a long time to conceive you may grow impatient and disillusioned. Sadness and helplessness may play out in the form of arguments, irritability, dissatisfaction, or resentment.

It is not uncommon to have arguments with your spouse about plans when trying to get pregnant, but the situation is redeemable.

It is the first step in a couple’s parenting journey, but many partners are not usually on the same page about the timing of this decision. The woman may be anxious about their biological clock while men often want to spend a little more time enjoying life as a couple.

This disconnect can often be a game-changer in many relationships that is why it is best to have the conversation well before you’re ready to start trying, even before you become a couple.

When trying to conceive there is need for tolerance. Even if both of you are open to having a family your timelines might not match up. For instance, you might be in an ideal work scenario for starting a family, while you significant other is just starting a new job that requires all of his or her time, energy, and resources. Women are often the ones in the more difficult position, as you’re also faced with the concept of yourbiological clock.

 A woman’s fertility begins to decline in her early 30s and speeds up dramatically after 35. This pressure can sometimes cause fights over a lack of understanding on the man’s part. It is important to get good communication on board and discuss the expectations of each party involved, what their role in the process might be and what time constraints you’re facing.

You may not realize how small the window of conception is until you’re actively trying to conceive. But the reality is that conception is only possible from about five days before ovulation—which occurs around two weeks after your last period, though this can vary from woman to woman—through to the day of ovulation.

That gives you maybe six days where conception is possible—and you still have just a 10-20 percent chance during this window. This biological calendar is not necessarily in sync with your career or his idea of idea of a day out with the boys.This often means putting other commitments, both personal and professional, on hold in order to maximize your chances of conceiving each month.

A lack of intimacy in your relationship is not a helpful development.

When sex becomes only a necessary step to baby-making—it’s not the sexiest thing to happen to you and it is critical to bring intimacy back into the relationship. A word of caution to you as an infertile couple is to try not to make conception all that you are as a couple. Continue to do all the things you love to do and don’t revolve your lives around ovulation.

The decision to see a specialist or enter treatment is a big responsibility that you need to take without feeling any sense of pressure to conceive and, therefore, have opposing views of when you should seek outside medical assistance. Avoidance of seeking an opinion sometimes comes from guilt of feeling like you should be able to do this naturally. What’s important in these scenarios is to understand that seeking help from a specialist does not necessarily mean you will need help throughout the process of conception.

You could start with a basic fertility workup. Checking the sperm, uterus, fallopian tubes, and egg reserve may be all that you need to easily conceive on your own. If an issue is identified, such as low sperm count or blocked tubes, you may have identified it in a timely manner and will not be wasting months more of frustration in fighting a futile battle to conceive. For you as a couple, merely having the reassurance that everything is normal and working can relieve anxiety over trying to conceive.

After several months of trying to conceive with no success, feelings of failure and inadequacy can follow. But cooperation is needed because it is not possible to make a baby without both egg and sperm.

Therefore, it is important to understand that no matter the issue, whether it is a male or female issue, both of you are inherently involved in the process. Avoiding guilt and blame and supporting one another through a potentially tough time will make success easier to achieve and even sweeter to enjoy. You should discuss everything, from the number of children you plan to have and when you plan to have them.

Depending on how difficult it was for you to get pregnant the first time, you might consider having less or more children than you had originally discussed, and this can be a serious point of contention anyway. If you feel strongly about having only one child, but your partner wants to fulfil his or her lifelong dream of having three or more children, tensions may arise. The best thing to do is communicate and see how you feel as time and life moves forward.

Battles over how to raise the children that you’ll someday have due to polarizing views on parenting can cause a rift.

Conception methods, such as in vitro fertilization, use ofdonor eggs, intrauterine insemination, or the use of fertility drugs it may trigger arguments about best to navigate the options without upsetting beliefs and expectations. Conception is a highly personal experience, so it is important to respect boundaries of the other person in the relationship.

If you are not having success conceiving on your own or with the help of medical interventions, you may consider whether to continue trying to have a biological child or adopt.

This decision may be an agreement and collaboration or it may result in disagreements over the notion of parenting a child that you did not give birth to. The best way out is to research as much as possible to understand the options available to you.

Abayomi Ajayi

MD/CEO Nordica Fertility Centre

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