There are several things that come to mind when you are struggling with infertility. Most of these thoughts are not often positive but the window of hope is always open.
No doubt infertility is hard to live and deal with, and, unknowingly those affected often make it harder on themselves. If you are struggling, you should accept that you deserve a happy, fulfilled life.
The first thing that you should admit is that you are not alone. Even though you may feel alone, you are not. One in four women experience fertility challenges in their lifetime. You probably know people – friends, family, co-workers – that have struggled to conceive but just may not have shared their experiences. Support is available to you at your fingertips.
When it comes to infertility, whether it is questioning yourself about your age, your choices in the past, blaming yourself will only bring more pain and suffering, especially when fertility challenges are often determined by factors out of your control.
The important thing is to know that you are not alone in struggling with infertility or struggling with secondary infertility. Blaming yourself is never the answer and will only lead to depression. Rather, focus on what you can do now to move forward.
Without question infertility can be quite difficult to deal with, and you may struggle with infertility depression among other challenges. If you cannot conceive a biological child, remember that there are many other options. Donors are available, such as egg, sperm, and embryo donors. If a donor is not the right fit for you, you could even look into adoption.
Having a child is not one size fits all, and not having children is completely normal and acceptable. Though it may be difficult to accept at the moment, you can have a happy, fulfilling life without having a child.
Read Also: What you should ask your doctor about infertility
It is essential to acknowledge that these options do not make things easier and do not diminish the pain of this experience. With the trauma that comes with infertility, and of course, you will need time to heal and grieve. Hold on to hope, and remember that there is beautiful life ahead after infertility.
One thing that you should not do for too long is playing the waiting game. If you have been trying to conceive, face it and consult your doctor. Being in denial and refusing help comes with consequences, as infertility often worsens with time. Struggling with infertility is normal, and luckily there are ways in which you can be assisted medically, and you can take hold of that chance now.
Even if you want to keep trying to conceive without treatment, you would require fertility testing. It never hurts to know what can help or what future options may be for you and your partner. Both of you should be tested to determine whether what you are experiencing can and should wait to avoid losing valuable time.
When you are trying to conceive, it is easy to focus on that timeline of your ovulation, followed by weeks you are waiting to take a pregnancy test. Living by this timeline can cause anxiety and can lead to struggling with infertility depression. You are either worrying about ovulation or a pregnancy test, with no downtime for your mental health. Through the help of friends, family, a counselor, and a support group, you can start to focus on life beyond this timeline.
Although many couples are proactive in their treatment and care for infertility struggles, quite many do not know where to start. The best way out is to take control. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself as your care is under your control, and you determine it.
Your care is your choice. You can choose your doctor, and you can find a new one that is a better fit for you. You may be turned down by one clinic because they doubt your chances of conception, but you are in control of seeking another opinion. If your doctor says you need to lose weight to conceive, ask them to perform necessary tests and refer you to a nutritionist. Your care is in your hands, so take hold of it!
When you are struggling with infertility, struggling with infertility depression, or with secondary infertility, it can be hard to stay positive about your sex life. For so many reasons sex can start to feel like a chore. For others, sex is a reminder of your infertility, even though you did not think of sex as a means to conceive before your challenges.
The pleasure of sex may feel like it has disappeared, but this feeling could be temporary. Memories of your intimacy before your fertility challenges, can help to get back to that place.
It is up to you to determine what family and family life look like to you and your loved ones. No one should define it for you. You and your partner, friends, and loved ones can start your own chosen family, and you can begin creating your own traditions today.
Although infertility can make you feel damaged, you have to remember that although these feelings are common, your self-worth is not determined by your fertility. It is easier to fall into the negatives, but staying positive is your way out of feeling this way.
You are still you, and you are still worthy, regardless of your fertility status. You are still as lovable as you were before your diagnosis, you are still as worth a life of happiness as you were before your diagnosis, and you are still as capable as you were before your diagnosis. You are more than your fertility now, and you always will be.
Struggling with fertility, struggling with secondary infertility, and struggling with infertility depression can be extremely heavy, and you can lose sight of yourself. You may stop thinking about your needs, your future, your job, your education, and more. Remember, your life was special before your fertility challenges, and it still is after your diagnosis.
Take yourself out of your struggle and try to view your situation from the outside looking in. Ask yourself what you need, what you want, what you desire, and what your goals are. Take the pressure off yourself and think of life beyond pregnancy and children, and live it to the fullest.
Suffering In silence is not acceptable. While struggling with infertility is a very private matter, it is necessary to have a support system in place to help you through this time. Bottling up your sadness and anger can manifest mentally, physically and spill into other areas of your life, such as work, relationships, and more.
Think about who you feel safe sharing your experience with, and open up to them about your fears, goals, and experience. External help, such as a counselor, therapist, or support group, to work through these struggles is strongly recommended.
Abayomi Ajayi
MD/CEO Nordica Fertility
